Judgement Day…..

I’ve never used to be a massive fan Twitter. I tried on and off for years to get into it, but it just didn’t seem to make any sense to me, until recently. In the past I’ve found it to be a confusing jumble of noise, but now I am finding it to be a great way to connect with people outside my friendship group (particularly when it comes to other bloggers etc). I used to hate that it just seemed so negative, and I guess that largely depends on who you follow, but recently I see much more positivity and thought provoking ideas coming through. Which is great.

Doesn’t mean I don’t see stuff that grinds my gears once in a while.

I’m a parent. No really I am – I know it’s a shocker right πŸ˜‰ . I work damn hard at what I do. I stumble and make mistakes. Sometimes I get it right, other times spectacularly wrong. I think, if you looked up the definition of parenting in the dictionary, that would be pretty much what you read. No one is perfect and no one gets it right all of the time. Some people choose to do it that way, others another. What works for Mummy A, sure as hell wont work for Mummy B, or even in some cases child 2 of Mummy A! And for those reasons and the fact that we all know how hard this can be, it upsets me when mothers openly and harshly judge other mothers.

Sure, you may not agree with something someone does to or with their children, but if it worries you that much, talk to the parent. You may not fully understand the reasoning behind their actions. To simply judge someone as a ‘crap parent’ is both rude and uncalled for, especially when you may have questionable parenting styles yourself. You may not think you do, but others might.

I think it’s easy for non-parents to judge. They can take a much more objective view of things, without a cloudy layer of personal experience spoiling the perfect view on top. And that’s fine. Let them. If and when they have their own children, they’ll soon realise those were halcyon days, when they were absolutely right about every aspect of parenting. But when you do have that experience, when you understand those eternal conundrums, that have kept people mystified for thousands of years, also known as children, then don’t dump all over someone who doesn’t do it like you would. There’s such an arrogance in that behaviour that I can’t even comprehend. Who gives you the right to judge?

I’m not talking about serious neglect or abuse here. Sometimes it’s people making those judgements that save children’s lives. What I am talking about is parents berating each other over the small stuff – like mother A spending less time with her child than mother B or mother B letting her kids watch more telly than mother A. And I certainly wouldn’t be putting my half arsed opinions all over social media. That would just make me look like a dick.

I don’t know about you, but I want my son to grow up a decent human being. One who shows tolerance and understanding wherever possible. I don’t want him to jump to conclusions; poorly structured, unconsidered conclusions, about anyone, least of all his peers. I want him to be independent of thought and to go with his instincts, but I do not want him to malign others who go a different way to him. How on earth can I teach him that if I don’t practice it myself? Perhaps not everyone wants their child to grow up with the same values as me. And going on what I’ve just said, I don’t judge you for that.

I still don’t want to see your thoughtless negativity on my Twitter feed though.

Unfollow lady, unfollow.

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Comments

  1. Great post. I have been at the receiving end of a mums opinion of me recently. Due to me posting a picture on instagram of a glass of wine. Apparently I was irresponsible because my child was in the house. I blocked that person, because they don’t know me, or my situation, and as you rightly point out, what one mum does, may not work for another mum, but there isn’t the need for silly opinions to get one up on another mum. Of course it goes without saying that there may be times when you need to express an opinion but this person did it just to appear to have the upper hand. Thankfully a lot of mums came to my support but its something that really should never have happened. Anyway I’m rabbiting on, great way to highlight an issue. I have blogged a lot about this recently, motherhood is a team sport, we need to support one another not berate each other. #mummymonday

    • Thank you so much. I also believe we need to support one another. Motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and without some understanding and support I’m not sure I’d cope. I’m so sorry one comment hurt you so much. It’s awful that people feel happy to pass judgement without knowing the whole story. Heck it’s sad people feel the need to do it at all, full story or not. I love the idea of motherhood being a ‘team sport’.

    • What?! Sorry to nose in on your comment but someone commented on an instagram pic of WINE?! Wine is a mother’s best friend as far as i am concerned! πŸ˜‰ How ridiculous! Obviously I am being flippant but that does seem a complete over-reaction! #mummymonday

  2. Caroline (Becoming a SAHM) says:

    I am with you 100%. None of us are perfect, we are all just doing the best we can and hoping we don’t screw it up too much in the process. We will never always agree with everyone’s parenting decisions but who are any of us to say what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ ? Its awful to see so much public judgement and criticism too, so not helpful! Xx #mummymonday

    • I think that’s my biggest bugbear. You can absolutely think differently to others and not agree with parenting styles, but splashing your opinions all over social media is just so immature. The tweet that inspired this post was from someone who has done things I wholly disagree with, but I would never go on to the most public media platform in the world to tell everyone that!

  3. Yes! What a well articulated post. I wish I could be so coherent about how I’d like my children to see the world too. People (and non-parents are especially guilty of this) are SO judgemental of each other. Luckily I don’t see it much in my Twitter feed. But I am loving the new “mute” button on there! Hee hee! *evil laugh* πŸ˜‰ #mummymonday

    • Thanks so much Jess. It makes me so sad that the pressure we receive most comes from what should be those with the most ability to understand where we’re going and what we’re doing. But yes I’m finding the mute and unfollow buttons most useful the more I use Twitter ;)!

  4. I agree completely! We’re all just trying to get by and nobody has the right to say their way of doing things is better than another (as long as a child isn’t being neglected or abused, of course.) When it comes to social media, I think the best policy is to make the most of your ability to unfollow or block people as necessary. I’m pretty quick to get rid of someone if they post something that’s offensive or that I strongly disagree with – I figure there are plenty of other people out there to follow and if it means I lose a follower oh well.

    • I agree you don’t have to be a slave to the number of followers you have. As you will see if you look at the pitiful number I have πŸ˜‰ thanks for reading this post though Shannon. It was written from the heart.

  5. I totally agree – unless a child is being abused or neglected, no one has the right to judge! Everyone has their own ways of parenting and if you don’t agree, fine you don’t have to. You also don’t have to make a show of announcing that to anyone who will listen! Every parent is doing their best and that’s all that really matters πŸ™‚ #effitfriday
    Debbie
    http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com

    • mrssavageangel says:

      Damn right Debbie! I don’t agree with every decision every parent makes, but it’s not my place to share that with anyone, particularly on such a public forum. Glad you liked my post.x

  6. Here Here (or is it hear hear?) so with you on this. I never felt judged until I became a mother and now oh my word. Sometimes I feel everything I decide to do is wrong. Infuriating. My one positive to come out of it though is that I now think before I speak in case what I might say might hurt someone. Silver linings!

    Thanks for linking with #effitfriday

    • mrssavageangel says:

      I think you’re right Laura, becoming a mother has made me much less likely to pass judgement on anyone, because I know I have no idea what the other person is going through. I do not walk in their shoes as it were. It doesn’t stop me having an opinion, but I’m aware it’s just that. My opinion. It infuriates me when others (but particularly other mothers) mistake their opinion for fact and chose to espouse this all over social media!

  7. Totally right, I’m not perfect in anyway but even as a non-Mum (yet) I’ve always made a conscious effort to not judge people when I’ve never been in their shoes, or even when I have! It’s a horrible thing to do and horrible to be on the receiving end of it. When it comes to Twitter, you have to wonder how many of those people giving you their uninvited opinions on how wrong you’re doing things would say them to your face, or would they sit and anonymity and protection of a screen of the screen between you. #ablogginggoodtime

    • mrssavageangel says:

      I agree! It only sets you up for a fall to be passing judgements on others regardless of your ‘experience’. Thanks for your great and thoughtful comment!

  8. Web warriors hiding behind their keyboards, typing away with self-rightous indignation is a common rant of mine. I don’t understand why people can’t STFU and keep scrolling. The world is not dying to hear the opinion of every Internet juror. #bloggingoodtime

  9. Totally with you and jumping on your band wagon. Ive had this too – i get a lot of judgement because my daughter is vegetarian like me… from birth. Ive had a few people hit out on twittter and on my blog – but you know what my child. my decision. and no one including our health visitor can say she is unhealthy or lacking! Good for you lovely

    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime

    • mrssavageangel says:

      Judging someone for what they choose to feed their child is flipping ridiculous! I don’t get where people get off making such high horse comments like that! I only wish I could get my boy to eat veg at all so more power to you!!

  10. Morgan Prince says:

    I have often wondered why people think it’s okay to berate other parents on social media. I have never and will never do that. Every parent has their own way of doing things and it’s a learnt experience. I hope you find more positivity on twitter hun. x
    #ablogginggoodtime

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