No one told me what New Year would be like with small children. Why not? They wanted to pontificate about every other subject. Anyway, I feel I should pass on the wisdom the last four New Years has given me. You’re welcome.
1) You spend the day ‘doing things’, like going for hearty walks. Gone are the days where the day is spent laboriously choosing an outfit and booking taxis.
2) You buy in a bottle of ‘something nice’, to drink in the house, but even you know if the two of you finish that bad boy you’ll be asleep on the sofa by 9.15pm.
3) You spend all day feeling bitter. Cursing your own foolishness for a) not planning to do something more exciting than sitting in and watching Jools Holland’s Hoota’friggin’nanny and b) having kids
4) You try and be positive by doing number 1. And then just come back to doing number 3
5) If you work outside the home, you tell yourself it’s ok because at least you’re not at work. Then you have to be at home and work seems like a rest. If you don’t work outside the home this is just another day at the office for you my friend.
6) You think to hell with it, I’m going to get trollied anyway. Then your progeny wakes at 3 am, half an hour after you fell asleep, screaming for you. You curse your attempt at living a devil may care life and deal with said child while the room spins.
7) If you refrained, you wake up to the new year sober as a judge. Which is probably a good thing as small person now wants Peppa Pig on repeat and even Marines with a hang over are know to crumble in the face of the Bing Bong song.
8) And then it’s all over. You make a firm and solemn vow to do better next New Years Eve. To find a babysitter. Or to host a party. Or to go away. Anything but go through that again.
9) You do nothing of the sort. See you same time, same place next New Year my friend.
10) HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
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