End of an era

So here I am. Sat in my favourite Haslemere haunt. My plans for today much the same as the plans I’ve had most days since Oscar started preschool 19 months ago. Drink coffee, write words, catch up on social media. You know, stuff.

But today is different. In as much as it is the same, it really is different. Today is Oscar’s last day at preschool. They are having a big party in a local park tomorrow, but as far as walking him to the scout hut, dropping him off, and walking away, to any one of the local coffee hangouts, but more likely than not Dylan’s, alone, well this is the end.

I’ve cried this morning. I honestly surprised myself. I didn’t think I’d feel just so, well, sad. But I do. Wrapping the chocolates and writing the cards for his Keyworker and TA was hard. I guess that’s what happens when you leave these things to the last minute (typical me)!

Wrapped gifts

He felt it. Of course he did, he always does. He picks up emotions in the air like the smell of freshly baked bread. And it affects him. He cried and told me he was “sad”. That he was “crying from my eyes”. But he couldn’t tell me why. He doesn’t understand that he won’t be going back to his nursery again, and I don’t really know how to make him understand. I’ve all sorts of exprience of preparing him for things that are coming up, that are yet to be, but no idea how to explain the things that won’t be anymore.

The walk to preschool was harder than usual, but he ran in just as happy as ever. I feel like I should give him that. One last day when it’s all ok, all the same. Maybe I’ll regret not trying to prep him better somewhere down the line, but at the moment, for who he is now and what I know about him, this is the right way.

Myself, I thought I was prepared. I’ve been counting down the weeks, for weeks. And now here I am. And all that prep has made no difference. Because as much as it’s his last day, it’s kind of my last day too. The end of an era, the end of my routine. I will never be a preschool mum again. And while that is my choice, and a choice I still stand by, I didn’t realise it how sad it would make me feel. How lonely.

But I owe it to him to focus on the positive. So happy last day at preschool my beautiful boy. Let’s concentrate on the fun we’ll have this summer and the awesome school you’re starting in September. And mummy promises not to let you see her cry.

Much. Thank you card from Gin Bunny Prints

Comments

  1. Change and coming to the end of an era is really tough for everyone involved. I’m sure you’ll have a lovely Summer together and then the excitement of school!!

  2. Ah lovely, I feel your pain time seems to stand still in my head but my eyes see the truth and it kills me! Big hugs. ❤️ I loved your line: He picks up emotions in the air like the smell of freshly baked bread. spot on, for my boy too!!! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

  3. It all changes so fast and sometimes it creeps up on you without you knowing. Even though you’ve been preparing yourself for the end of pre school it’ll still be a shock to see your little boy end that milestone in his life and begin another in September. #picknmix

    • mrssavageangel says:

      It really has been a shock. I want to rejoice in how well he’s done but I just feel so sad. I don’t want to wallow but I think I’m going to have to accept these feelings if they’re ever going to go away!

  4. Aw, I know I’ll cry when my little girl finishes preschool but luckily she has another year left! Love that card by the way 🙂 x #picknmix

  5. Awww goodbyes are always sad! When my son sees me cry I think the sadness is brushing off on him too. Like you I am trying hard not to show him that I cry but I think sometimes its nice to show emotions to our child. Its okay to cry because it heals in some ways. Thanks for a lovely post =) #ablogginggoodtime

    • mrssavageangel says:

      Bless you, yes these little people are sponges for everything around them and that includes emotion.

  6. Ahhh this gave me a big lump in my throat! Time just flies doesn’t it, Elliot has just finished his first year at pre-school and it makes me emotional to think that this time next year he’ll be ready to start school. Hope you and Oscar have a fun filled Summer xx #picknmix

  7. A milestone moment for you. This was me this time last year – good luck! #picknmix

  8. aww bless its such a milestone that will soon be replaced with a new milestone of starting school,how exciting and scary all at once, thanks for sharing such a personal post x good luck #Marvmondays

  9. Aww I think it is perfectly acceptable to show emotion. We can’t always be stiff upper lipped British right? Emotion is part of what makes us human. #MarvMondays

    • mrssavageangel says:

      I agree entirely Helena, however emotions can be difficult for my autistic son to process and understand so I try noto to show him too many extremes. I still sometimes cant help it though!

  10. Oh bless you sweetheart! I was so emotional when my youngest left his playgroup, and I know for you it must be that much more emotional having to say goodbye to his keyworker as well. I really hope he gets on so well at his new school.

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix hon

    Stevie xx

  11. I’ve read so many stories and seen so many images today all about sad endings and new beginnings. Being due my second in a couple of weeks isn’t helping! I’m an emotional wreck. Gorgeous post, hope he loves his new school! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

    • mrssavageangel says:

      Oh honey! You poor thing! Your emotions must be shot! Sorry! Thank you for hosting though and try and relax now!

  12. Ohh bless you sweet. This seems to be such a monumental and emotional step for lots of people. Congrats on preschool graduation little man and I hope you enjoy big boy school xx
    #marvmondays

  13. Aww this post brought tears to my eyes! Beautiful! #MarvMondays

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