Personal

Til you drop (a dress size)!

25/11/2013 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

I know this is normally the time I write about mummy type things, but the most exciting thing happened to me this week, it had nothing to do with being a parent and I just can’t not write about it.

I don’t want to generalise, but guys you might want to switch off now, because hey, I’m gonna talk about shopping. And in particular shopping for clothes. Whether your opinion is “arrrggghh, shopping” or “mmmm, shopping” at some time or other we all have to buy new (whether they are new to us or not) clothes. For me, it’s been a while.

I’ve had a rocky relationship with clothes shopping for many years. I love it, I really do, but sometimes it just doesn’t love me back. Having been a plus size for most of my adult life, I have come to know which stores cater for me and which don’t. I know which town centres are worth me going to and which are not. Basingstoke stores carry plus sizes, Guildford stores do not. Partly due to my location and party due to lack of funds I have withdrawn further and further away from the high street. The little I have bought in the last few years has been online, either through eBay (a great source for buying plus size clothes cheaply), or from the websites of plus size retailers such as Evans, Simply Be and the Inspire range at New Look. I’ve become used to buying what fits, rather than what I necessarily like. It stopped bothering me that my clothes shopping was this restrictive.

I know I found myself in this situation because of the choices I made. Through the decisions I took. No one else gained and held on to that weight for me. Believe me this is not a post berating the lack of plus size retailers, or critising the high street for not catering for me. Sure I would have loved the only plus size retailer in Guildford (Evans) not to close the week I moved to the area but this is not about then. This is about now.

As some of you may know, I recently took stock and changed my lifestyle, attending Slimming World and losing just over 3 stone so far. Others of you may know that I just inherited a little money. Some of you may also know that my birthday’s coming up 😉 . So last Saturday all these things conspired together and I found myself with a fitting appointment at the Guildford branch of Rigby & Peller – corsetiere to the Queen. There are certain garments no lady can be without and mine have seriously needed replacing for some time. And if you really know me you know this is not good. Not good AT ALL!

I wont linger(e ;)) on my purchases, needless to say there were two of them (one was a birthday present from Ben) and that I am much more supported than I was. I blooming love them!

So anyway, all fired up by such a positive experience, I decided to try hitting the high street. Just to see, you know? I have no idea what size I am anymore. Maybe I could try on some “normal” sizes. Just to see.

I went to M&S. A good staple for basics I always find. But when I got there the weirdest thing happened. I couldn’t even begin to look at the clothes. I walked straight past the things I wanted to look at. I wandered around. I honestly didn’t know what to do. I ended up buying wrapping paper and cards! What the…..! I gave myself a talking to and went up stairs (up the stairs!) to look at the nightwear. I found myself going straight for the children’s section! Its been so long since I shopped in a store for myself, I honestly think I’d forgotten how to!

I came out of M&S with my paper, cards and a five pack of pants (same old style just one size smaller) and sat down on a bench. I was all a drift and felt slightly odd. I ate my Special K crisps in something of a daze. What had just happened? Was I really this bad at shopping? It was almost as if I wasn’t allowing myself to shop. I spent so long turning my face away from the disappointment of finding nothing to fit, that I was finding it really hard to turn it back. What could I do? I saw that I had two choices; slink away and feel confused and sorry for myself or straighten up, hold my head high and just get on with it.

So, I headed over to Gap, a store I haven’t shopped in since I was in my early 20s. I scanned the rails, and checked myself for feeling “in the way”. Then I picked up a lovely silver jumper. I took it to the fitting rooms and it fitted. I cried and cried (quietly to myself). I was so proud.

It didn’t really suit me, so I didn’t buy it. That felt even better – I had the choice not to buy it just because it fitted. I had options.

I felt a door had opened and I spent the rest of the day running round this new world. The changing room attendant in Next commented on the amount of stuff I had to try on. I just smiled. I didn’t stop smiling. I didn’t buy heaps, a couple of long sleeve t-shirts in Next and one in Gap, some socks, some make up, you know “normal” stuff. I smiled at everyone that day.

It was getting late and I was just about to head to the station, when I saw Monsoon over the road. I needed a dress for Ben’s Christmas Party and had seen some lovely ones on the Monsoon website. Again, not a shop I’ve considered in years. I only went in to see if they had this one frock, so I could look at it up close. They did and buoyed by the days successes I took it into the fitting rooms. I couldn’t quite do it up all the way on my own and didn’t want to force the zip in case I bust it. How embarrassing would that be?! An assistant came in to help me and I heard the zip slide smoothly up. It wasn’t tight in the slightest. I looked back at myself in the mirror. The dress had a real Mad Men vibe. I just knew Nanna would be thrilled to see me looking so elegant so I decided there and then to use her money wisely and to get it. I didn’t say anything, just smiled. As the assistant upzipped me she said “Well done”. Weirdest thing to say I know, but she was totally on the money. I left feeling like I’d won.

I’ve still got far to go but I feel like a really significant corner has been turned. in my mind as well as physically. Maybe clothes shopping and I might be getting on a little better from now on?

I can’t wait to find out!

Inspiration

04/11/2013 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

The other day I was writing and listening to music. Music for me has always been a particularly emotional medium. I have songs that will always fill my heart with happiness and others I simply cannot listen to for the pain they cause me. Anyway I was listening to music that makes me think of a very specific time in my life, one when I felt particularly inspired. I started thinking about why I’d felt so inspired at that time, which in turn made me ask the question; what is inspiration? What is it that inspires you, me, anybody? I’m sure Inspiration is a concept I am seeing bandied about more and more recently. Its not something I remember hearing about so much five years ago.

Its nothing new, people have been

“mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative”

for as long as there have been people. But is it just me or has the amount people refer to it increased?

I personally love (and sometimes hate – but mostly love) social media. It’s part of my life now – a big part and one I wouldn’t be without. It enables me to keep in contact with friends and family around the world, make new friends, research, ask for help, organise. On the whole social media rocks. But one thing about social media that’s starting to grind my gears is this:

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for encouraging others, whilst working on your own motivation, but I am starting to tire somewhat of random pictures overlaid with cliched words.

I don’t find them inspirational. I might have done when it was just one or two, now and then, but I now see these things constantly. They’re all over the news feeds of the various platforms I use, in my twitter feed. Thank God people have stopped sending them to me in emails!

Bloody hell I sound miserable! I’m not, believe me. I am more positive at the moment than at most other times in my life. I have been inspired and continue to be inspired. But cheesy words on an even cheesier picture are not the cause. People inspire me. Their acts, and deeds, and attitude and creativity inspire me. When I lived in Swansea I had the most creative friend I’ve ever known. Hanging out with him inspired me to also be creative. Does anyone remember receiving a Christmas gift from me in 2010? I printed my own wrapping paper and designed my own gift tags for god sake! I mean come on people. I’ve never done that before or since! He didn’t do that and he didn’t suggest I did. He just inspired me.

Being a mother inspires me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had times when I’m so tired and drained that I don’t even know my own name. But other times I’ve felt so inspired by what I see in Oscar and his achievements that I’ve been known to spend an entire afternoon, alone with my son, singing songs with actions just to see him put his left arm in or turn around. Other mothers inspire me too. Mothers I know personally or mothers whose blogs I read. I think it can be easy to compare yourself to others and question whether what you’re doing is as good or the right thing etc. But when I can get past that ( 😉 ) I have been totally inspired by these women. By their courage, their drive, their ability to cope, their creativity, their willingness to share with me! Sometimes they inspire me to want to be like them, but often they just inspire me to do things differently.

So OK I’ll admit I have occasionally been touched by these “quotes”. When I was going through a very sad time in my life, a friend said to me “Lisa, it’ll be OK in the end and if its not OK, its not the end”. At the time it blew my mind and really helped the situation. And yes recently I saw the same soundbite on a cheesy picture, popping up in my news feed. But the impact it had on me when someone took me aside and and said it to me was completely different to the impact it had on me when I casually glanced at it in my news feed.

I think that’s the difference for me. People inspire me every day, but I think these quotes are just a poor substitute for human contact. For someone learning from another. For someone putting an arm around you and telling you its going to be OK. Even if that’s a virtual arm on a social platform. Just sharing a cheesy motivational quote with everyone on your friend list doesn’t feel inspirational – it’s becoming white noise.

Maybe that’s my problem with them. I don’t want to lose the personal touch. And I hope I’ve inspired you not to want to either.

Just me…

28/10/2013 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

I am fast approaching 35. I will soon be truly in my mid thirties. I am married. I have a young son who I spend my time caring for and thinking about and being responsible for. I worry about his behaviour, his development, his food (both intake and content). I am a mother.

But just sometimes I want to feel like more than that.

I sat down today to write a very worthy and well thought-out post about the differences in all our children and how good it feels to know that what I have chosen to do (choice by choice) was the right thing for Oscar (regardless of whether it was right for another child etc). I still might write it. It’s a good piece.

But right now I want to listen to music that breaks my heart or makes it jump. I want to dance and to not think at all. It doesn’t happen that often, but just now I want to be engulfed by a beat and let it take me away. I just want to be me.

So instead of writing my worthy mummy post I have my headphones on and Spotify turned up loud and I’m going to tell you a bit about me.

Just me.

1) I have moved house 13 times in my nearly 35 years.

2) I have lived in the West Midlands, Devon, London (South West and East), South Wales and Surrey.

3) Possibly because of No1 I am a ruthless declutterer. I also have next to no ornaments.

4) I get a thrill out of selling on eBay. If it sits unused for long enough in my house its gone. Come to mine and sit still long enough you could find yourself on the Bay.

5) I am the oldest of three children.

6) I used to be so scared of spiders that I once called Ben back from the pub to come and catch one I saw in the lounge (it was MASSIVE!) and sat on the worktop til he came home. After having Oscar I realised the spiders eat the flies that were bothering my baby so I started leaving them alone. Me and spiders now live a happy coexistence.

7) I did GCSE Dance. I wasn’t very good. I got a D. But how many other people do you know who did GCSE dance?

8) My favourite numbers are 12 and 9. I have no idea why.

9) I have, and always have had, very wide feet.

10) I enjoy cross stitch. The first one I ever did was a Winnie the Pooh for my GodDaughter’s Christening.

11) I love nail varnish, but very rarely have the patience to let it dry without smudging it.

12) I am not one of life’s patient people, but I am your go to girl, if you need a decision making quickly and under pressure.

13) I was an Account Manager for Face to Face Fundraising for 5 years. You may hate it as a fundraising method, but don’t ever start an argument about it with me. You will never win. Could still be fun though!

14) I ran a summer playscheme for young people in Swansea in 2010. It was the most fun I’ve ever had that I got paid for.

15) I have only had two serious boyfriends in my whole life. I have been engaged to both of them.

16) The food I think I could eat every day is Smoked Salmon.

17) I would rather eat razor blades than peas.

18) I didn’t fly until I was 21. I also didn’t have a passport until I was 21.

19) My maiden name was WiLLson with two Ls. No one ever ever spelt it right. I was so happy to change it.

20) My married name is Savage. More people than you would imagine, have a problem with the surname Savage. It’s a real word people! Who ever heard of the word Savidge (yes I’ve had it spelt like that!)

21) I have Epilepsy and have had since I was 13. I haven’t had a fit for over a year (quick touch some wood!).

22) I spent most of my childhood wanting to be a teacher.

23) My teenage posters went from Kylie and Jason to Take That to Jon Bon Jovi. Don’t judge me,

24) I was a children’s shoe fitter for 2 years and I fitted the bridesmaids for Tim Henman’s wedding.

25) I can’t drive (mostly due to No 21). I did start to learn in 2010 and plan to take it back up.

26) I can be competitive, but not enough to actually be the best at anything. Casual competitiveness that’s me.

27) I have traveled to four continents (Europe, America, Africa & Asia).

28) Its been my dream to visit Australia since spending a term at Primary School studying it. We also studied World War Two, but I have never wanted to visit that.

29) I have only ever owned two pets as an adult. Two goldfish called Monkhouse and Kilroy. Kilroy died within a day of getting him.

30) I’m not allergic to anything. The only intolerance I have is of thoughtlessness. And the Archers.

31) My favourite subject at school was Drama. I took Theatre Studies A ‘level and went on to study it at University. I never wanted to be an Actor.

32) I love singing. I was in a choir at school and sang in a concert at the NEC for Children in Need with Jasper Carrot and Roy Castle. These days you’re more likely to find me singing in the kitchen whilst cooking. Or occasionally at Karaoke.

33) I’m shudder inducingly scared of rats. Bleugh!

34) I’m a big fan of BBC TV comedy. Favourites include Blackadder, Ab Fab, The Thick of it, Alan Partridge, Gavin & Stacey and The Mighty Boosh.

35) I have an uncanny ability to remember lyrics to songs.

36) I have never been skiing. Anyone who knows how clumsy I can be will probably thankful for this.

37) I have an unhealthy love of Diet Coke. It’s ruining my teeth!

38) I have sprained my ankle twice, cracked a bone in my foot, broken my big toe, broken my left index finger, cracked a rib and have subluxated (not quite dislocated) my shoulder several times. See why No 36 is not a good idea?

39) I love cooking and reading cooking books. You can knock her for her food porn programs, but Nigella Lawson is a fantastic writer and I love reading her books as much as I do cooking her food. So there!

40) This blog is saving my sanity one post at a time and I am, and always will be, eternally grateful, touched and a tiny bit bewildered that people actually take the time to read it.

Thank you for indulging today’s random post. We all need a little bit of the random in our lives. It’s what keeps the boredom at bay!

Would love to hear a random fact about you that I might not know.

When the past becomes the future…

19/08/2013 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

We had two visitors this weekend. Ben’s mum and sister made a 400 mile round trip to spend the afternoon with us. I say us, I mean Oscar 😉 They’ve done it a couple of times before. They share the driving. Rachel enjoys some time off from mummy duties and I think Catherine rather enjoys having Rachel to herself for a couple of hours. I like to think it’s as much for them as it is for us.

This time they also had another reason for coming. They bought with them Ben and Rachel’s paternal grandmother’s antique grandfather clock.

We found out back in 2007, that Ben was to be left the clock in Betty’s will. She told us on the night of our engagement party. The family story tells us that the clock was originally made in the 18th Century and has been in the Tapp family every since. Betty made it clear that guardianship of this piece, one day, would be passed to Ben. At the time he was flattered and rather touched that she trusted him with, what has always been, such an important piece to her.

In the intervening years Betty, this tall, strong, opinionated, strong willed, wonderful woman, has developed Alzheimer’s and latterly has moved into nursing accommodation. As her condition worsened in became obviously that her house would need to be sold to finance this intensive care. This is how Ben has come to receive his inheritance while his grandmother is still with us. It made him rather uncomfortable at first, but we discussed it and agreed that the clock would be better off with us, than placed into storage.

This is how it ended up in pieces, in the back of Rachel’s card, whizzing across the south of England last Saturday and is now sat in our bedroom, out of the reaches of Oscars curious hands, awaiting professional restoration and installation.

It really is a beautiful piece and Ben and I spent ages, sat on the floor, discovering it, last Saturday night. It clearly needs a bit of TLC, but wouldn’t you if you were that old? It’s age is apparent manly in the many little repairs and different aged pieces on it. It’s like seeing the many hands that have touched is over the years and it brings home just how honoured we are to have been entrusted with this beautiful piece of family history.

It also shows me where Oscar fits into this line. He is the next generation, the next steward of family history and I feel we have a responsibility to find out and pass on as much information both about the piece and the family as we can.

I know Betty would be thrilled to know the clock is with Ben. I don’t know if she’s been told, I don’t know if she’d know who Ben is. But I wish I could tell her how much we love her and how much we will love this clock, much as she did and that one day in the future this amazing piece of family history will be passed on to the next generation.

UPDATE: You can find a post about the clock’s restoration here.

The only thing wrong with Primark…

07/07/2013 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

I’m having an afternoon off from mummy duties and spending a bit of alone time in Guildford. I needed to get Oscar some more short pyjamas (as the ones our friend Becky bought him for his birthday are proving such a hit). So my first instinct was to go to M&S. They have always been a staple of O’s wardrobe, providing good quality basics at reasonable prices. So anyway I went straight there and got exactly what I wanted. Short pyjamas, three pairs, for £12.

However, as all my maternity/holiday/savings finally ran out this month I’m on something of a budget drive. It’s not that I wasted money before but one of the things I always worked hard for in my life was the ability not have to budget. But needs must and anyway I think “hmmm I wonder if Primarni has anything cheaper?”

I don’t often go to Primark. Not because I have anything against it per se, just as a plus size I’ve never found anything to fit me in there. I have also found the children’s section, particularly for young boys, to be woefully small, especially in the Guildford branch. But as I’m trying to careful with my pennies (well not my pennies but that’s another post) I thought I’d check it out.

It was a mistake and a complete waste of time. Not because, as I suspected, they had nothing I wanted. They did have some really nice little boy clothes. No the problem with Primark was the people in Primark. I’m not talking about the staff, who seemed present and helpful. No I mean the customers.

I know that makes me sound like the worse kind of snob and to some extent it is the people themselves. The kind who will leave their babies screaming in the buggy whilst they rummage for a bargain. It upsets me but who am I to judge?

No, I think its the environment that brings out the worst in people. The low prices somehow send out a signal that this store isn’t really worth caring about thus clothes and shoes and accessories are thrown about with complete disregard rather like a jumble sale. I even found myself taking less care than I ever would in M&S for example. It was then I realised I needed to leave, empty handed.

If you do want to, I think Primark is one to do first thing in the morning and midweek. Other than that I think I’m going to stick to M&S and shop the sales.