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My Summer Pain – and why I wouldn’t change it

19/05/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

It’s nearly summer. Hooray! If there’s anything I love more than the sun making an appearance, it’s being able to throw off the socks. Boots be gone, summer’s here and I’m cracking out the sandals. Mules, flip flops, reef sandals, I love em all. I love painting my toenails and feeling the air under my soles. Yes, summer truly is my favourite footwear season.

Only, it’s not an easy season. Every summer, since I’ve been able to afford them, I’ve worn Birkenstock single strap ‘Madrid’ mules. I love them. I love the look, I love that they go with anything, I love that you can just slip them on. I’ve owned several pairs over the years. My first were a rather natty silver, but since then every pair I’ve had has been white. Every year I think of moving onto a different colour and every year I can’t help but go back to the simplicity of the fresh looking, summery white.

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And yet every year, without fail, regardless of whether I’m wearing last year’s sandals or a box fresh pair, they give me blisters. Every summer, my poor big toes are shredded and the bridge of my foot has a 3 inch rub line. It’s to do in part with the fact that I pronate (roll in) when I walk. I know that. But it doesn’t stop me. I love them. So I just have to push on through.

The summer starts in pain. Blisters and friction burns and spending more on plasters than the shoes! But eventually the skin toughens up. The blisters heal and I suddenly realise I can wear them without half a roll of micropore tape strapped to my feet and finally summer is truly under way.

Until Autumn comes, the weather changes, and the socks go back on, undoing all that hard work. And next summer I know I’ll have to start all over again. Because despite the pain and the blisters and the fuss and the mess, I’m never going to give up my beloved sandals.

Perhaps I should just buy shares in Elastoplast next summer?

I'm already wearing my Birkenstocks this year! — I’m already wearing my Birkenstocks this year!

Southern Style Slow Cooked BBQ – in your own back garden

09/05/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

This last weekend was just superb weather. A bit of sunshine can make all the difference to how everything feels. And with the good weather should always come BBQ. I love barbecued food and would eat it every day if I could. Two years ago we bought a proper beast of a grill. None of this gas fired nonsense. A proper coal barbecue with (cos we’re fancy like that) an offset smoker. We loved the idea of getting a hunk of meat and slow cooking it the way they do in the Deep South, ’til it’s charred on the outside and meltingly soft on the inside.

I won’t lie, it’s not as simple to do as turning on a slow cooker and leaving it. It takes quite a bit of looking after, but both times we’ve done it it’s been simply amazing! When I posted the pictures of last night’s dinner so many people asked how we did it I thought I’d try and explain here.

So I’m sure there are a hundred different ways to slow BBQ but we use an offset smoker barbecue. The idea is that the coals sit in that little attachment at the side. There’s a vent through to the main body of the BBQ and the heat, and the smoke from the wood chips, is pushed through, keeping the BBQ at a constant temperature over an extended period.

Once the coals have heated the drum up to around 200 degrees F, we add a couple of handfuls of hickory wood chips (soaked in water for at least an hour beforehand), and the smoker is ready to start slow cooking.

You can smoke almost anything, but I’ve only ever done Beef, brisket to be precise, so that’s what I’ll explain here

Slow Barbecued Brisket

Get the meat out of the fridge to warm up to room temp at least an hour before cooking. You can flavour it however you like. I’ve tried premade rubs, but yesterday I used my own mixture and it was bloody lovely. I coated the meat generously just before putting it on the BBQ. I didn’t do it sooner as the rub had salt in it and I didn’t want it to draw out too much moisture. I used:

1tsp ground cumin
1/2tsp chilli powder
1/2 or 1tsp smoked paprika (depending on the strength of your preferred brand)
1/2 tsp cumin seeds slightly bashed to release the flavour
Sea salt to taste

Once the meat is happily coated, place it on the grill, with any fat facing up. We coat the base of the drum in foil like this, as the meat drips as it cooks and it’d be a bugger to clean if we didn’t!

Then close the lid. And keep it closed! The hardest part is not opening it to check the meat, but seriously, every time you open it you’ll lose heat and slow barbecuing is all about consistent temperature (in our case of around 200 degrees F or 120 degrees C). To achieve this you need to top up the coals in the smoker every hour, or hour and a half, of cooking. And the first three times you do that you should also add another handful or so of the soaked wood chips. Then let it do its thing, while you relax in the garden!

How long it takes to cook will depend on the size of your piece of meat, but I reckon you’re looking at anything from four to eight hours. This size took about six hours and a smaller piece we did about five.

When you think it’s done, it needs to come off the grill and rest. Honestly, if you don’t let it rest you won’t get the melting texture inside. To keep it warm, we double wrapped ours in foil and then wrapped that in a tea towel. Again, resting time will depend, but we left it for at least half an hour and it was fine.

When it’s rested, slice it as you would a roast and tuck the hell in!

Last night’s dinner was BBQ brisket with balsamic dressed leaves and chilli swede chips. Yep you heard right; SWEDE chips. Someone suggested them at Slimming World last week, so I thought I’d give them a go and I can’t believe I’ve not done them before!

Chilli Swede Chips

Peel a raw swede, cut into thick slices and then cut into chips. Spray a oven tray with Frylight and add the chips. Spray again with Frylight, sprinkle with sea salt and dust with chilli powder (if you like chilli, omit if you don’t). Whack them in the oven at gas mark 9, 240 degrees C for 45 minutes, turning once or twice in the process. And voilÃ . Delicious, low carb (if you’re interested in that) chips. Perfect for an Extra Easy SP day.

So there you go. I’m not suggesting everyone run out and buy a smoker, but if you are interested in slow barbecuing with a standard BBQ a quick Google will come up with loads of suggestions of how to do it. I particularly liked this one. But if you’re in the market for a new BBQ, and fancy having a go at slow cooking, maybe consider one with a smoking function.

Can’t wait until the weather’s good enough to do it again. Hmmm, what to slow cook next do you reckon?

Learning to Drive

05/05/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

If you know me, or have read any of my old posts, you will know that A) I have epilepsy and B) I don’t drive (largely down to A).

I could have learnt when I was a teenager, but I didn’t have the money. Then I moved to London and seriously who needs to drive when they live and work in London? It’s a sound argument but one I still regret listening to.

I had a period when I couldn’t learn as my epilepsy wasn’t great but eventually I went fit free for long enough to apply for my provisional and as we were living in Swansea by this time I had both the money and the inclination to start learning.

This was back in 2010. I did about 6 months worth of lessons and also a decent amount of driving Ben’s car in the evenings. If I’m honest with myself now, I was almost ready for my test, but as with so much in life, when I get to close to where I want to be I self sabotage. I baulked at the thought of taking my test so decided to have a break from lessons while I went to the States for two weeks and when we came back I argued that work was so busy I needed to concentrate on that. It was a load of rubbish and such an enormous mistake. I should totally have kept going and got my licence. And I still kick myself for being so stupid. Six months after I stopped my lessons I had a fit, meaning I couldn’t renew my provisional licence when we moved to Haslemere. Meaning I couldn’t carry on learning even if I’d wanted to.

So for the past five years I’ve lived in a community where being able to drive is so, so important. We’re not exactly isolated, but my small town is not the easiest place to live without transport, believe me. After I had Oscar my epilepsy hit another bad patch (thank you pregnancy hormones), but eventually last year I got to the point where I could reapply for my provisional. I was so happy when I got it and so proud to put it in my purse.

And there it’s sat. Doing nothing for over a year. Why? I think I told myself it was because Oscar was at nursery for such short sessions, but really,I could have fitted a lesson in if I’d really wanted to. The truth is I think I was scared. I’m not a naive teenager (apologies to any teens who might read this, I don’t mean to generalise, but I think it’s fair to say 37 vs 17 comes with some extra life experience), I know what can go wrong. I know I’m not invincible. And since having Oscar and becoming a mother that anxiety has only increased. I spend my life second guessing what I will need to do to keep my baby safe, hell keep him alive! And the thought of putting us in a big powerful metal box seems totally counter intuitive.

So yeah I think I’ve put it off because I’m just scared. Which, you know, is fair enough. The trouble is he’s getting bigger. Until now I’ve been able to stick him in the buggy and go as far as my legs could take us (and I really do mean walking, public transport where we live is bloody awful!). But he’s growing out of the buggy and walking miles along busy roads really isn’t an option, for many four years to be honest, but especially not one who has issues around following instructions and a compromised sense of danger. Add to that the fact that the school we have chosen for him is a little over three miles away, well. I’ve realised I’m not doing this for just me anymore. It’s no longer just another life achievement to tick off the list. It’s becoming more of a necessity for all of us.

Oscar autism means we often have appointments for this and that and none of them are ever local. At the moment Ben’s having to take time off work every time, but that’s not sustainable. Sure it’s important that he comes to some of the meetings but I know there are some we could attend alone and it’s a pain for him to have to keep rearranging his days and using his holiday for something he wouldn’t need to if I could drive.

So, really I no longer have the luxury of putting it off, for whatever reason. Or excuse. I’ve just to got do it. For all of us.

Which is why I had my first lesson in six year today. I was scared sure. And top level I was nervous, I just didn’t want to mess anything up (and that’s adults learning new stuff, we’re not great at admitting we’re not perfect straight away) . But do you know what? I didn’t feel sick the way I did when I first started learning. I remembered so much more than I thought I would. And even if we only did ‘driving round quiet residential streets’, I still did it. My clutch control was better than I ever imagined it would be and didn’t make the car kangaroo once.

I’m so proud of myself. Yes I am doing this for my family, but as a friend said to me, “it’s very liberating”. And that’s for me.

Now I wonder if I could do this by the end of the year?

Parenting from a special perspective with Lisa from mrssavageangel

29/03/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

A few weeks ago I was asked if I would like to be interviewed for the Parenting from a Special Perspective over on Diary of an Imperfect Mum. The series looks at SEND parents and the differences we find in our parenting journey. It was a great interview to do. I loved answering the questions and I’m incredibly proud of the post. Therefore I’m reblogging it here. Enjoy!

Parenting from a special perspective with Lisa from mrssavageangel

The crossroads at which we stand

01/03/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

I’m finding it hard to write anything lately. Slimming World updates are OK, because they are about a thing, they’re structured and easy to formulate. My head, not so much.

At the beginning of the year I really thought stuff was changing for the better. I felt positive for the first time in ages. We had decided to throw caution to the wind and go ahead and build our long awaited kitchen extension, which made me happier than I can explain (or understand to be honest) and Oscar’s progress continued to be phenomenal (to us). We’d definitely decided which path we wanted his education to follow and had applied for schools, along with everyone one else. I joined Slimming World and Yoga and started to take some time for me. Ben was doing the same to great effect (taking time for his own mental wellbeing, not joining Slimming World!) Yeah, in one way or another, everything felt like the path ahead was clear.

Then all of a sudden everything isn’t clear any more. The extension is proving a much more difficult and expensive proposition than we envisaged and has made us question whether it’s actually worth doing at all. We’re getting more quotes to be sure, but if it really is going to cost that much then maybe it would be better to move?

And then there’s Oscar (and there’s always Oscar ?). We had a terribly negative meeting with his team two weeks ago and for the first time it’s made me doubt my choices for him and worse than that it’s made me doubt myself. And I’m not just having a wobble that’s going to be solved with a pat on the back, a high five and a ‘you follow your instinct girl’. In fact it’s more than a wobble (why do we play this shit down?) it’s a cannon shot. It’s winded me and knocked me off my feet completely. I no longer feel what I’m doing is the right thing. And that is petrifying. Even when you don’t really know, but you have that gut feeling, it’s ok. But that’s gone. And that scares me more than anything. It also makes me so angry. How dare anyone make me question whether what I’m doing for my son is right! But they have.

So all this has conspired to throw life back up in the air again. We’ve started to look at schools again, something I had assumed we were done with. Having never felt it was so, perhaps specialist schooling would be better for him. I seriously don’t know anymore. All I know is I want him to be happy. And for me never have to sit through a meeting like that again. I think we’re going to look at more schools less to find him a place but more for my own self assurance. I’m happy to come away saying, ‘ok I was wrong, this is better’. But really what I’m looking for is to come away saying ‘do you know what? I was right!’ Because at the moment I can’t feel either.

And then there’s the house. If we can’t get the extension done, our small house remains small and that raises the question should we move? And if so to where? Can we afford to stay round here? Do we want to stay round here? Do we need to stay here?

I feel like as a family we are stood at a giant crossroads. That there are so many paths we could take, in a way I haven’t felt before. It’s frightening yes, but in a weird and probably masochistic way, it’s almost exciting.

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I’ve found myself listening more and more to 90s indie lately. I think partly it’s because it’s familiar, partly because it makes me happy, but partly because it makes me reminds me of a time in my life I felt powerful and sure of myself. Something I need reminding of.

Also some of it is loud and a bit shouty. Just like I’ve always been ?

The 90s Indie chick who knew where she was going.