mrssavageangel – Page 73 – First time mother just trying to figure out where to go from here.

School holidays suck

14/08/2013 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

When I was a child the school holidays, particularly the six week summer holidays, were my favourite times in the whole world. I remember playing with friends, riding my bike, making perfume out of rose petals and water (really gross!) and attending week long play schemes. And there in lies the clue. I’m remembering the holidays of an older child. I don’t remember those from when I was a littley and no one told me just how disruptive and stressful these could be!

During term time, Oscar and I have a kind of a schedule, much as those children who go to school.

Mondays, we decide on the day
Tuesdays is Noah’s Ark Toddler group followed by coffee with a friend
Wednesday is library or sometimes a trip into Godalming
Thursdays is Hammer Toddler Group followed sometimes by lunch with a friend
Fridays is my NCT group meet up
Saturday is swimming lessons

Its pretty samey, but I need this routine as much as the boy does. I like to know we have something planned for most days. It motivates me to get out of the house. Its important for both of our sanity’s.

However, in the holidays, and particularly in the summer holidays everything stops. All the toddler groups grind to a halt and the library’s activities for pre schoolers cease. I looked into it and most other local pre-school classes/courses (such as baby gym, music, sensory, play etc) also stop. Their hiatus leaves me with no more routine and a baby I can’t explain this to.

Don’t get me wrong, I know why this is. Some toddler groups are run in schools, which need to close their buildings in the summer. Some groups are run by women who have their own older children who need looking after. As an aside, neither of these apply to our groups.

I see many places running classes, courses, schemes and workshops over the summer and these are wonderful, if pricey. I remember going to some myself as a child. But not one of those I’ve seen does anything for under 5’s let alone under 2’s. It would appear that the assumption is that younger children/babies do not need entertaining in the holidays in the way older children do. I can’t think why this might be the case, or is that just my toddler?

OK, so this is the case and we the parents of little children just have to suck it up and get on with it. Right, so we find new places to takes them, different things to do. We find the money to cover the expense and we go. And wherever we go is heaving with older children, as quite rightly their parents have had the same idea. But this can makes these trips incredibly stressful. Anything physical, such as a park you would happily let your toddler roam around, suddenly becomes dangerous with long legs and big bodies fly around with gleeful abandon. As it should be of course. But I’d like to see you explain to a firebrand of a 16 month old that actually he can’t go in that park or as happened in the playpark in RHS Gardens Wisley on Monday that he had to go back in the buggy and be taken away for fear he’d be brained! He was livid with me but what could I do?

Whenever I bring this up my husband tells me to “be the miracle”, In other words, “do something about it”. Or “if your’re not going to do anything about it then shut up”! So I try to not bitch about it and find other things to do. I’d find it hard to do anything about it at the moment, as I have Oscar to look after. Maybe I’ll wait til he’s older. Oh wait then he’ll be off school and I’ll have to look after him. Oh hang on……… 😉

Believe me I do understand the situation. The only people affected by this are parents of young children, who either have little ones to look after or who work. And those who work often have their little ones in day care and probably don’t notice as much, as day care runs all year. Why wouldn’t it? You pay enough for the privilege. Maybe I need to think more seriously about going back to work. That’d shut me up!

Maybe it’s just where I live. My friend in the US says this simply doesn’t happen where she lives. What’s it like in your neck of the woods? How did/do you cope with toddlers in the summer hols? I’d be interested to hear.

Our little secret

11/08/2013 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

I wanted to write a quick post about something that’s important in my life at the moment as I feel its likely to come up often in my writing soon.

I have recently started attending a Slimming World group.

I know its not a big deal for some, but for others its a mammoth task, both to start the journey and to admit they’re doing so. A couple of people know I’m doing this, and I don’t have a problem with people finding out, I’ve just not offered the information out there. I am rather want to compartmentalise my life (such as not mixing groups of friends etc), so maybe that’s why. Or maybe it’s fear. I do remember thinking when I started,”I wont put it on FB til I’ve lost Xlb etc, that way if I fail I’m the only one who knows about it”. Wheres the joy in that? Am I ashamed? Am I really that sure I’ll fail? And if so am I ready for this journey? I’ve been going for three weeks and already I’m starting to see a difference. I’ve lost 1/2 stone, (7lbs) which in the grand scheme of how much I really have to lose is such a small amount, but I’m choosing to look at it as a positive achievement either way.

I’ve been to “diet” groups before and did pretty well on them. However, I have since gained all the weight I lost (over time). Consequences have enabled me to be lazy, or even to believe my excuses. Funnily enough while I was pregnant with Oscar I actually lost weight in my first two trimesters – my body went in to healthy overdrive and craved fruit and lost any interest in refined sugar. I couldn’t even watch Bake Off that year as it made me feel sick! So it seems I can do it. My body knows what it needs, so it would appear my weight gain has largely been caused by my head. And I think when it comes down to it, most seriously overweight/obese people would agree with me.

Which brings me back to why I have chosen not to tell people this is what I’m doing. The reasons are cerebral, not logical. I don’t do it because my emotional mind tells me it’s protecting me. Well yeah and the same mind told me that after I had Oscar I could eat what I wanted, cos I’d just had a baby and I deserved it. That kind of thinking helped me put on 2 stone in the year AFTER I had my baby. Who the hell puts on weight after a pregnancy?!

So any way I decided enough was enough. I couldn’t keep spinning these excuses and happily believing them. I had to do something about it. I have read lots of interviews with slimming mothers and they all seem to say they’re doing in for their children, but do you know, I’m not doing this for Oscar, I am really doing this for myself. For one thing, my group meets on a Tuesday night. Its a opportunity for me to get out of the house without him. Does that sound terrible? Meh – so what if you think it does. I take my motivation where I can find it and this is one massive motivator for me at the moment.

So am I going to tell people? I’ve always found being accountable is one of the best ways of staying motivated, so maybe I should. I’ve told total strangers, but can’t tell my best friends. Whats that all about?!

We’ll see…..

The best use of an hour I’ve ever found

09/08/2013 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

I met up with a friend today, who has a little boy the same age as Oscar. She’s just had her second baby and this was their first outing out with the NCT girls. It was fantastic to see her and great to see how well they’re all doing. It was also marvelous to get a tiny baby cuddle with the new addition to the gang, baby Mia. She was a teeny tiny baby at birth and is still relatively small now. I held her on my chest and shh shh shh’d her to sleep when she woke. It made me remember just how tiny Oscar was and how much I loved him napping during the day in my arms or on my chest.

I remember fretting, as all new mothers are want to do, that I shouldn’t be holding him to sleep, and wasn’t it a terrible waste of time, just sitting there, when I could be doing more productive things. I remember I aired these thoughts on FB and among the replies, a friend with older children told me just to carrying on, because as soon as he could move, I’d never sit still again! I owe more to that friend than I can explain. I followed her advice and cuddled and cuddled my son in the early months. Which was lucky, as he rolled at 16 weeks and could crawl by 6 months, (unusually early in both instances). And sitting around cuddling fast became a distant memory.

Holding baby Mia made me realise just how much has changed in the past year. My tiny baby (above) is now a strapping young boy, teetering on the edge of toddlerhood. His early months were so full of fear and stress and indecision, that those memories I have of sitting for an hour or more just holding him are particularly precious to me. It’s advice I’d give to any new mother.

It still doesn’t make me want to do it again though. But that’s a post for another day.

The only thing wrong with Primark…

07/07/2013 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

I’m having an afternoon off from mummy duties and spending a bit of alone time in Guildford. I needed to get Oscar some more short pyjamas (as the ones our friend Becky bought him for his birthday are proving such a hit). So my first instinct was to go to M&S. They have always been a staple of O’s wardrobe, providing good quality basics at reasonable prices. So anyway I went straight there and got exactly what I wanted. Short pyjamas, three pairs, for £12.

However, as all my maternity/holiday/savings finally ran out this month I’m on something of a budget drive. It’s not that I wasted money before but one of the things I always worked hard for in my life was the ability not have to budget. But needs must and anyway I think “hmmm I wonder if Primarni has anything cheaper?”

I don’t often go to Primark. Not because I have anything against it per se, just as a plus size I’ve never found anything to fit me in there. I have also found the children’s section, particularly for young boys, to be woefully small, especially in the Guildford branch. But as I’m trying to careful with my pennies (well not my pennies but that’s another post) I thought I’d check it out.

It was a mistake and a complete waste of time. Not because, as I suspected, they had nothing I wanted. They did have some really nice little boy clothes. No the problem with Primark was the people in Primark. I’m not talking about the staff, who seemed present and helpful. No I mean the customers.

I know that makes me sound like the worse kind of snob and to some extent it is the people themselves. The kind who will leave their babies screaming in the buggy whilst they rummage for a bargain. It upsets me but who am I to judge?

No, I think its the environment that brings out the worst in people. The low prices somehow send out a signal that this store isn’t really worth caring about thus clothes and shoes and accessories are thrown about with complete disregard rather like a jumble sale. I even found myself taking less care than I ever would in M&S for example. It was then I realised I needed to leave, empty handed.

If you do want to, I think Primark is one to do first thing in the morning and midweek. Other than that I think I’m going to stick to M&S and shop the sales.