Slimming World Update – Week 85

Hi chaps

Lets cut to the chase this week. Gained 0.5lb. Wasn’t a surprise, glad it wasn’t more. Total lost now is back to 6 Stone 1.5lb lost (85 1/2lb or 38.7kg). But no use dwelling too long. What’s done is done. The brownie and Danish pastry and cookie and krispie cake are eaten. Yep. This past week contained some awesomely on plan meals and some ridiculous ‘treats’. I must start sending the things I bake with Oscar into the office with Ben. I am simply rubbish with temptation!

I did have some small triumphs in the shops on Saturday, which you can read about here if you’re in the mood.

Last night’s group was really interesting. Our usual consultant was away and we had the lovely Helen stand in. The group was small, which it always is if our usual consultant isn’t in attendance (I’ve never understood that. To me group is group. I don’t go just for Sara’s top banter – sorry Sara 😉 ). Anyway we had a really interesting discussion on what constitutes Free Food and what’s Syn Free Food (which I totally get now, thanks for putting me right Helen) and a really thought provoking discussion about what constitutes a plate of optimised food. I’ve always tried to keep a meal one third super free or speed as its called now, but sometimes I add those veg into whatever it is I’m making, curry, bolognase etc because I a) don’t enjoy having ‘extra’ veg on the side of my plate with these meals (it just somehow feels wrong) and b) I cannot be buggered to cook up veg separately, making more mess, when I could just add them to the one pan. Helen’s point was that having extra vegetables on the plate takes up room you then can’t fill with rice or pasta etc. I’m not someone who can eat vast mounds of rice or pasta (even in my largest days), but I do see what she was getting at. Plus, I guess it could be a visual thing. The more different things you can see on your plate the more you feel you’ve eaten? Anyway, despite my initial balking at this idea, I came home and realised other than a few dishes, this is exactly what I do. So while I don’t think I’ll suddenly start serving extra veg with my curry, I absolutely will keep doing it with my other meals.

Thanks for a great group Helen.

So this week I’ve got some real challenges ahead. Firstly we’re off to Devon for Ben’s grandparents Diamond Anniversary celebration. While I’m not concerned about the meal itself so much, I know there’ll be wine. Plus there’s the journey there and back. It’s such a long way and as the non driver in the family it’ll mean just sitting for nigh on five hours. I think I’ll go and stock up on fruit and chicken and the like for when the nibbles strike. Fortunately Ben’s nibble of choice when long distance driving is Liquorice Allsorts. I can’t stand them so no temptation there! Phew!

On the up side this week, I do get to wear my new dress. So, you know, swings and roundabouts.

If I work hard at staying on plan before and after hopefully I can minimise any damage I’ll do in wine.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Have a great week

Xxxx

 

More than just shopping

So last week was a bitch. Apologies if that offends you but I seriously can’t think of a better word to describe it. I’m not sure if it was that Oscar was struggling with being off preschool. The week before had been half term and while he seemed to cope ok with that, this past Monday he had to miss it again, while he had his Speech and Language assessment at my favourite place, Royal Surrey County Hospital. So maybe it was that? Or maybe he was just sick of the sight of me and bored out of his mind. Either way the pair of us just seemed to spend the week miserable. By the time Friday rolled around and it was time for him to go back to preschool we both cheered as we arrived. One day I hope to enjoy my child’s school holidays, but for now I enjoyed it most when it was over.

So anyway last week left me feeling completely battered and in serious need of some time alone. It just so happens that next Saturday we have a weekend away in Devon to celebrate the 60th wedding anniversary of Ben’s maternal grandparents, and blow me if I didn’t need a new dress for the occasion. It’s been a while since I went actual clothes shopping. I mean yeah I got my new jeans recently and the occasional top, but it’s mainly been online or a ‘run in run out while the boys wait in the car’ job. And while it can achieve the same objectives, it just really isn’t the same.

So Saturday morning found me up and ready pretty early. I got the train to Guildford and made the decision on the way, to challenge myself. Since losing over 6 stone, clothes shopping has become much more fun that it ever was, but I do tend to gravitate to stores I know and feel comfortable in. And while I don’t think this is wholly unusual, I decided on Saturday that enough was enough! I was going to go in AND try things on in at least two shops I’d always been too scared to go in before. I mean it sounds rediculous. Who was ever afraid of a shop? I admit I was. But no more.

My first stop was a new Phase Eight store that has opened since my last trip to Guildford. I would never normally go somewhere so dressy, but it was a dress I was looking for, plus I’ve never been there before making it the first of my two ‘new stores’. While their stock was lovely, some of it was much more mother of the bride than I was looking for. I did try a black and white shift dress on, however even in the 18 it squashed my boobs flat – no mean feat in itself. I left, but not disheartened. I was thrilled I’d gone in and tried anything on at all. Sad I know!

The second shop was faithful old Monsoon. You may remember I got my dress for Ben’s Christmas party 2013 there, when I’d been losing weight for less than 6 months. I was thrilled that day to fit into a size 22 and wore that dress with such pride I was bursting (and not out of the dress!!) This time however I tried on a beautiful lace dress in a size 16! I was just as proud, but this time knew I had more possibilities to try. That while this was a beautiful frock, what if there were others out there I could fit in to? Other beautiful dresses still to try on. I left it behind the counter, just in case, and carried on.

The socks really set this Monsoon dress off dontcha think?

The socks really set this Monsoon dress off dontcha think?

Took me days to notice, but my sister in law pointed out how clear my collar bone is

Took me days to notice, but my sister in law pointed out how clear my collar bone is here!

And carry on I did. I checked out Jigsaw and Jack Wills, having been in neither shop before, although I didn’t try anything on as neither had anything that spoke to me. I then tried on three dresses in my beloved Joules, but none were right. I remained too scared to go into LK Bennet, but I think that had more to do with the price tag. What if I fell in love with something and just couldn’t afford it? I decided it was just best to move on!!

I’d been in Anthropologie several times before, in fact I discovered it in the States in 2008 and bought a beautiful leather handbag there, but I’d never bothered to look at their clothes. The biggest size they’d had in anything was a 16, so I’d never had reason to. Before now. Granted a lot of it was not my style. A bit on the Hipster side. And very expensive. I did find one dress in a print I adored, but luckily they didn’t have my size (I just couldn’t have justified the £148 price tag).

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Dress in Anthropologie. Not in my size luckily

But I did try on a couple of things. A grey midi dress with a slash neck and long sleeves (just not me at all) and this shirt. Oh my god this shirt. How gorgeous is this shirt? At home I’m Mama Bear and here I was depicted on a shirt with my Daddy bear and cub! I loved it. And had it fitted better on the bust I’d have paid the £68 they were asking for it. In fact the more I think about it the more I’m tempted to go back and make it fit 😉 !

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The cutest shirt. Damn you big boobs!

It seemed my bust was just against me on Saturday. Nearly everything I tried on was scuppered by my double Fs. I tried on a gorgeous spotty dress in Cath Kidston that, even in a 16, wouldn’t go anywhere near me. Clearly Ms Kidston cuts her clothes for those with a much smaller cup size. I didn’t leave too disheartened though. I did purchase 2.5 meters of the cutest fabric. I’ll have me a Cath Kidston dress even if I have to make it myself*

(*I’m not making it, my amazingly talented husband is. Is there anything this guy can’t turn his hand too. Website one day, summer dress the next!)

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Can you see me in this print?

So taking into account the boob situation I decided to give Pepperberry another whirl. You may remember last year I had no luck at all in the store where everything is cut to fit different chest sizes. Either nothing fitted or the styles were all wrong. But I’m all for second chances, so went in and grabbed a couple I liked the look of. I tried the first one on and that was that. I just knew this was the one. It made me giggle and smile and well you just know don’t you? It’s smart enough for a celebration meal, not not so smart that I look like I’m going to work, fancy enough to feel special, but not so fancy I look like I’m off to meet the queen and sassy enough to suit me, but not so sassy I look inappropriate! And the best bit was the size, a 16, but cut generously over the boobs. Means it can be fitted, but without restricting my lung capacity!! And I already have shoes and a bag to match, so all in all it’s perfect!

I promise I will post a picture of me wearing it after the event, but you know me, I like to keep a special dress for the special day. If you really can’t wait, here’s a picture of the dress on the Pepperberry site.

I spent the rest of the afternoon, well just happy, I guess. Relaxed and a little bit giddy at the same time. I bought a couple more bits in some old faithful shops. Jeans and sweater for Oscar in Next, some soap and shower gel in Lush. If you follow me on social media, you’ll now how much I lamented the come back of 90s fashion everywhere. Man, I wish I’d kept all my teenage wardrobe, I’d be making a killing on eBay right now. And if you ever wore a choker back in the day, guess what, they’re in again. Dig them out, you’ll be right on point! You shouldn’t laugh, but I couldn’t help myself! I went in Topshop for the first time in 19 years and funnily enough very little had changed! Did you know DUNGAREES were back in fashion, god love us!

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But then I realised I hadn’t technically achieved my goal for the day. I’d been in new shops and I’d tried on clothes in familiar shops for the first time, but I needed to bring the two together one more time to complete my challenge. Which is how I came to try on a fabulous coat in Mango. In fact I liked a lot of the stuff in Mango and despite it being a shop I have literally never been in, I definitely would again. Ahh well, next time.

(And did you know Mango had a plus size section on their website? No me neither! Wonder if it’s new. Typical, now I don’t need it!)

Not normally into text on t shirts, but I really liked this

Not normally into text on t shirts, but I really liked this

I may not have had a great week last week, and my weight loss motivation may have been stalling recently, but a day alone, fitting into clothes I’d never dreamt would fit, in stores I was too scared to go in, well it’s cheered me up more than any cake could do. And the feeling of achievement I came home with has seen me through this week too. I wish I could afford to do it more often! I just can’t wait to wear my beautiful Pepperberry dress on Saturday.

I’ll let you know how it goes down with la familia.

xxx

Mama and More

 

 

Slimming World Update – Week 84

Hey guys

Sorry for not being around last week. I’m not really sure why I didn’t blog last week, I didn’t have a terrible weigh in or anything. In fact I maintained again. But, I don’t know, I just wasn’t feeling it. Like any of it. Not really sure why. I had a positive Friday and then the rest of the week seemed to descend into darkness. Negativity topped with a swirl of self destructive behaviour. Its not just that I didn’t count my sysns, I activity went out looking for syns. It’s been a while since I’ve felt like that, I can tell you. And to be honest I thought I was stronger than that now. Just goes to show huh? We’re all vulnerable, we’re all human. We all feel and we all have times when we do the ‘wrong’ thing. But then there is a school of thought that says you can’t do the wrong thing, that everything you do right now, is right. Even if it seems wrong, what have you taken from it, learnt from it? I also subscribe heavily to the idea of choice. That we all, always, have a choice. That no one makes you feel anything without your permission. I made the choice to let myself feel the way I did and eat the things I did and behave the way I did. No one else was in control. I could tell you how hard I’ve found looking after Oscar this week etc etc, but at the end of the day no one ate that bread for me. I chose to let myself fall sideways, the consequence of which was a 4lb gain and another lesson learnt.

C’est la vie.

Some days I wonder if it’s worth it, whether I can be bothered and what’s it all for. Some days, nearly two years on, I still have to fight with myself. Some days I get sick of trying, of thinking about food, of the energy it takes. Some days I don’t win. Then some days I do. Last week I got a new pair of jeans. You may remember I needed new jeans before Christmas but couldn’t find any I liked. I find it really hard to find jeans as I’m not a typical female shape. I’m relatively straight and narrow through the hip with a surprisingly small bum for my size! I carry most of my weight across my stomach, meaning I need a wider waist than hip (think ice cream cone!) so when I find a shape of jean that fits and flatters I am loyal to it for life. I was distraught when Next changed the material (and possibly the cut) of my favourite Relaxed Skinny jeans last year, however so were a lot of other women. I like to think the disgruntled customers were heeded as the composition of the material has changed again this season, with much more cotton making all the difference. I bought the size 14 I’ve been hankering after and blow me if they weren’t too big. Now I will point out at this stage in the proceedings that this is something to do with the cut of the jeans. The fact that I had to try, nay purchase, the size 12 bears no resemblance to my size in real life. Seriously. But they fit and I’m happy with that.

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I also had something of a surprise in group this week. I was awarded Greatest Loser 2015 for the 7.30 group. On a week where I’d had such a gain I felt something of a fraud collecting it, but then that’s what this award is all about. It’s not about what happened today or even last week, it’s about a collective effort over many weeks and months. I didn’t feel I deserved it on the night (which is possibly why I look so pinch faced in the photo) and I worry about celebrating what I’ve achieved sometimes as I might start resting on my laurels too much and becoming complacent. It’s all stuff no one tells you about a long term weight loss journey I guess!

Such a Loser ;)

Such a Loser 😉

I’m sorry if I sound a bit miserable at the moment. It’s been a real pisser of a week for a million reasons, but the boy is back at preschool now, I’ve got a new week ahead of me and on Saturday I get to see my great friends and wonderful family as I leave my son and spend the night away, just being a grown up. I’ve just got a frock for the occasion too. I can’t wait to show it to you. But let’s just say it’s very flattering, very fitted and a size 16. Go me!

Hope all our weeks are good ones, including mine.

Here’s to putting ‘Fuck it February’ to bed and starting on ‘Make it Happen March’ xxx

Slimming World Update Week 73/74

HI guys

Yes it’s me, remember me? I’ve been so busy these past couple of weeks that I barely remember who I am. Blogging has taken a bit of a back seat of late and for that I apologise. Only when I start to think about it, have I really been that busy? Well I guess I have been out and about in the evenings a lot more than I usually am, but really the thing that’s changed is that Oscar is edging closer and closer to dropping his daytime nap. I know – abandon hope all ye who enter here!! I find it so hard to write, or at least write anything of any value, when he’s around, that it’s just easier not to try. But actually the thing I’m finding the hardest is the lack of ‘down time’ I get these days. I’ve said it before and I don’t mind repeating that I know I have only been able to stay at home with Oscar as long as I have because he has, until recently, been a good, consistent napper. I wish I could say I revelled in his company 24/7 and wish it didn’t bother me quite as much not to have time to myself, but it does. Something has had to give and of late it’s been this.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never felt quite so much like I’m dragging myself towards the end of the year as I do this year. We’re all exhausted. The past few months in particular have been draining for all the family. Whereas last year I was excited to see what 2014 held, this year I can’t wait to get 2015 going, to make some changes. In some respects I feel nothing is still, nothing is constant and in other respects I feel like I’m static and somewhat stuck in a rut. Its the most bizarre feeling – like standing stock still in the middle of a storm.

I know my weight loss journey isn’t really a journey at the moment, more of a stop off. Like I’m taking a break at the motorway services of me. I don’t know, I think I’ve lost my mojo somewhere along the way. Don’t get me wrong I haven’t slipped into old eating habits, I’m just not moving forward anymore. I’ve maintained for the last few weeks and last week I gained 1lb (total lost 6 Stone 6 lb (90lb) ). And do you know what? I was fine with that. It’s not that I don’t care so much, just that I was fine with it.

I weigh in tomorrow for the last time before Christmas and I promise to update you on that on Wednesday, in between taking delivery of our Christmas food shop (Yay for Ocado and yay for me booking my Christmas Eve slot back in November!) and cooking our Christmas Ham. Oh and visiting friends and generally getting ready for the big day. Yeah, it might not be a long one on Wednesday 😉

Anyway, I’ll let you go – you probably have a tonne to be getting on with. I’ll just leave you with this picture. It was our Slimming World group party last Friday and boy did we let our hair down. Well, you know me, I don’t get out much, poor old thing!! We had a right old piss up riot and it was great to meet people from the other groups and to hear how they’re getting on. It was especially nice to have people who read my blog come and introduce themselves and tell me how much they enjoy my writing. It’s always slightly baffling but very flattering to think actual people are reading my actual words. And big thanks to the lady who couldn’t get over how I looked. She kept saying I was slimmer in real life than she’d thought I was from my pictures. How sweet!!! The dress I wore was gifted to me by our Miss Slinky, Sarah Jane, who wasn’t able to join us for family reasons on Friday. She was really missed. I wasn’t sure about wearing it, but I’m so glad I did. I felt fab all night. It wasn’t a size I’d have ever picked off the rail and it just goes to show, sizes differ so wildly that it’s not about a number but about what fits. So anyway that picture

Last year’s Christmas party outfit, size 22. This year’s, size 12!

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Have a great few days and we’ll speak on Wednesday. Promise!

Xxx

Slimming World Update – Week 51

Alright?

Last night is the first group I’ve ever refused to discus the weeks outcome (be it a gain or a loss). I just needed time to whirl it round my head first. To take it in and digest just how I felt about it. And as SW never insist you discuss your week, Sara was happy for me to do this, which I appreciated.

Now that I’ve done that, I’m not to going to beat about the bush. I had a whopping gain of 3lbs and I’m gutted.

I know why I did. I spent the week estimating my syns (or just not bothering to count them at all) and eating things I knew weren’t going to give me a positive outcome come Thursday. I don’t feel guilty about this, I feel bloody annoyed, and disappointed in myself. Its not like I don’t know what I’m doing. Look how many weeks I’ve been going! I just got lax. Slack and not mindful of what I was doing. And I have no reasons for it (not that I would insult you with petty excuses). Why did I let myself do it? I just couldn’t tell you. Sorry.

I don’t know what else to say really except that I obviously want to lose it again. Those certificates I cover my kitchen doors with, don’t mean a thing if I’m not keeping the weight off to match. Also I know it’s ‘only’ 4lbs across two weeks, but do you know I can already feel it in my clothes? And I just don’t want to. So this week, I will be: upping my super free, drinking more squash, properly counting my syns and writing everything down. Basics really. Boring I know but if I do it right I get the results I want. Every time I want to eat something synned I will ask myself whether I really want it and remind myself of how yukky I felt looking down at the scales this week.

We’ll get there. Even if there are a few detours along the way.

On a more positive note, the clothes swap went brilliantly. I made low syn pinwheel sandwiches to take with me that went down a storm (0.5 syn for two)

Yum!

Yum!

I didn’t find much by way of clothes, but I tell you what, it was enough that I could even look. At the last one, there were few plus sizes at all and certainly nothing that fitted me, so I just sat and chatted. This time I found various items that were too big for me (yay!) and I did find a gorgeous Boden dress, I would never have looked at normally. It’s missing a belt, is a bit shorter than I would normally wear and I also think it could do with being an inch looser, not that the girls agreed. But I loved the look it gave me – grown up and elegant. I plan to wear it for dinner when we go on our mini break.

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My ‘new’ dress

The best part about it is the size. It’s a 16. Happy squeal!

Which is it is so important that I don’t have more weeks like this one. The way I feel when I find smaller clothes that fit is too immense to lose.

Have a super week.

xxxx