Family

North Hayne Farm Cottages – our experiences as an SEND Family

22/01/2020 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

A couple of years ago a friend shared a Facebook post from North Hayne Farm Holiday Cottages, a children’s farm they had previously visited with their family. This holiday farm with a difference, had just been awarded Autism Friendly Status by the National Autistic Society. And I was intrigued!

I think the fact that the NAS was mentioned AND the fact that the farm was in my home county of Devon (snuggled under the southern edge of Exmoor), meant it really caught my attention. I visited the website and I was immediately convinced. This was a place for us. We booked for the week over New Year (28th Dec to 4th Jan) 2018. And we loved it so much we also went back this New Year (2019).

A festive welcome waited for us at North Hayne Farm

North Hayne positions themselves as a ‘Children’s Farm’. This doesn’t mean they farm children (can you even imagine!????) but rather that they provide accommodation and farm facilities especially for children (and their families) to experience. It was definitely a unique proposition as far as I was concerned.

The idea is simple. Provide comfortable and family friendly accommodation, alongside a small farm, which the children can immerse themselves as much as they want (or are able to cope with). And when you consider animals rely on routine, you can start to understand why such a holiday might work for all children, but in particular those with additional needs, such as Autism.

Autistic children can often struggle when going on holiday. A change in location, strange sensory experiences, a complete disregard for the usual routine; it can be too much and derail a holiday before it’s even begun. Because North Hayne feed the animals to a strict schedule twice a day, it gives the children an opportunity to put a few pillars of certainty back into their days. The idea then is that the rest of the holiday can hang off these bones.

Feeding the animals to a consistent routine allows the children some certainty in an uncertain time

I understand that might not be enough for some children, but for Oscar it was perfect. He knew that at 9 and 4 he would be feeding the animals. And always in the same order, at the insistence of the farm, meaning he knew exactly what to expect. Rabbits and Guinea Pigs first, followed by the hens, the sheep and alpacas, the goats, the pigs and finally the ducks. Always the same. When it came to our second visit he even remembered the order (and of course it hadn’t changed).

Feeding Boo the rabbit. The feeding times were one of Oscar’s favourite things to do on both our visits

The routine continues after feeding with donkey rides every morning. Oscar adored riding on Abbott or Frosty and the donkeys were so patient with the children.

A gentle ride on a donkey every morning, was a lovely way to start the day.

Oscar’s confidence around the animals grew and grew

Following every afternoon feeding, the farm offer an activity. This could be anything from having a cuddle with a guinea pig to talking Blackberry and Crumble, the farm’s friendly goats, for a walk. But as with all activities these are all advertised well in advance, to give parents chance to prepare children who may need time to process.

Grooming and walking the goats around the farm was so much fun for all the children!

The first year we visited Oscar just couldn’t slow down enough to sit and hold an animal. The following year showed just how much he’d grown.

The accommodation comes in the form of cottages, most of which are fashioned from existing farm buildings and barns (except the purpose built Jeremy Fisher cottage). Every cottage is self catering with a well appointed kitchen and there are a range of cottage sizes, accommodating from between 3 to 10 people. Some of the cottages are set over multiple floors which isn’t ideal for anyone with accessibility needs. However, there are single story cottages available and all cottages come equipped with safety gates.

Our home from home. The cars are usually parked away from the cottages for safety but can be bought right up to the cottage for access needs and unpacking.

Some of the cottages are single story, others cover three floors. All are gorgeous!

Both times we’ve visited we’ve stayed in a 6 bed cottage, which allowed us to invite friends to join us, which was just fabulous. Both cottages were over three floors which allowed us plenty of space for four adults and two children. The touch we ALL loved the most though was the hot tub! All the cottages come with their own private hot tubs and Oscar (and his visiting friends) adored splashing around in the bubbly warm water. However, there was little better than putting the kids to bed and relaxing in the evening (with some bubbles 😉 ) with your favourite grown ups. Especially when it was -2°c outside!

Every cottage has it’s own outdoor area with seating and it’s very own hot tub. A favourite with children and adults alike!

Oscar’s assessment of the facilities at North Hayne.

But the farm is more than just the animals and a place to stay. There are areas to explore, gardens to wander in and play equipment to have fun on. There’s the ‘Play Barn’; two rooms full of toys and games and books and a pool table.. And there’s space. Space to run, space to be, space to breathe. And as an SEN parent one can never underestimate the absolute importance of a friendly, understanding and safe environment.

Exploring the farm, we came across the biggest bug hotel we’d ever seen.

However, one of my favourite things about North Hayne was not having to explain Oscar or his needs over and over. Just knowing that we had been heard was a blessing. It was never quibbled as to whether our boy could join in the New Years craft workshop. Or whether Farmer Roger was happy to have him on the Farm Hands session (a fun two hour session learning about animal husbandry for the over 6s). Farm Hands proved to be a massive hit the first year we went. The second visit he had had enough by half way through. And that was fine too.

Oscar adored being a Farm Hand. Farmer Roger said he’d never met a child so excited to clean up poo!

The farm is, and has been, run for the past 15 years by a family team. Husband and wife Roger and Cheryl Dixon (Farmer Roger and Farmer Cheryl) work alongside their extended family to ensure guests feel like they’re visiting their own family. Welcomed and cared for. From the hug when you arrive, to the drinks and nibbles provided in the cottage, and the beauty treatments offered by their daughter in the onsite Therapy Room. You’re bought in and made to feel one of the family. Whatever your needs. It’s no wonder nearly every other guest we met was a repeat visitor.

Accommodating families with additional needs is not always the first thought of those in the hospitality industry. But places like North Hayne Farm have proved how simple it can be to make small steps towards something more understanding. We’re not the only ones to think this, at the end of 2019, North Hayne won the 2019 Visit Devon Gold award for ‘Accessible and Inclusive Tourism’. By making small changes and looking at their offering with caring eyes, Cheryl and Roger have created an amazing and unique place to visit. For everyone.

Thank you North Hayne Farm. Oscar can’t wait to come back.

We paid for our holiday ourselves and I was not asked to write this post. All opinions are my own.

You can follow North Hayne Farm Cottages on Facebook and Instagram or visit their website.

One gift….

25/11/2019 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

A couple of years ago Oscar discovered the Dr Seuss story ‘The Grinch Who Stole Christmas’. He loves Dr Seuss and this story was no exception. So when Illumination released an updated version in cinemas last Christmas, it was no surprise that he insisted we go see it.

It was, to be fair, a lovely retelling, and we enjoyed it so much that when a couple of months later it was released on Amazon, were were happy to buy it for him. He was thrilled and has watched it many times over the past year.

So when he watched it last week, in the run up to Christmas, I thought nothing of it. Until it reached the flash back scene, in which we are shown The Grinch’s childhood and how he was left alone at Christmas, with no friends, no family, no gifts and no love.

Oscar watched this and burst into tears. He’s always been an empathetic little soul, but recently he seems to feel and see things we might filter out. It’s a common misconception of Autism, that it involves an inability to feel. While this may apply to some, my little guy almost seems to feel too much, unable, as I say, to filter these emotions. Hence the sudden flood of tears for a fictional character who is left alone, lonely and sad at Christmas.

Of course I comforted him and assured him we wouldn’t leave him alone and giftless at Christmas (“you’d never do that me would you mummy?”). And while that seemed to help a little, he wanted to check no child would experience Christmas like the little Grinch did. And I had to be honest.

I explained that the saddest thing was that some children do not have the Christmas he knows. There are those who are sad, lonely, hurt and left wanting. He looked at me, his little face crumpling and asked “how can we help?”

It wasn’t the response I was expecting.

So I asked him, what did he think would help. Without hesitation he asked if we could “give them a present”. He took what makes him feel good at Christmas and extrapolated. And for a seven year old receiving a gift trumps any understanding of safety, security and love. I say it overrides them but maybe it actually encompasses them? For him anyway.

So I promised we could do something. And this is where I need your help. When I was a child putting together a shoe box of gifts was the done thing, but in recent years stories have to come light casting doubt on the motivations of organisations involved with such collections. We could give to our local food bank, however we already do and to be honest this doesn’t feel like it would address his need to specifically reach out to a child. I really like the ‘Secret Santa’ campaign Action for Children is running online at the moment, where you can donate a gift (an amount of money that could buy a gift or a meal etc) in the name of someone else.

So I’m reaching out. What would you do? Are there any organisations that give children gifts at Christmas who might not otherwise get one? If you have any suggestions I would be very grateful.

And look, I’m a realist. I realise this kind of giving is just a drop in the ocean of need experienced by families across the world every day. But it has come from such a pure and unexpected place. I can’t not encourage it. I want my son to engage with others and begin to increase his understanding of the world. And if it starts with this small act, so be it.

I know one Christmas present, from one child to another, wont change the world. But a Christmas present, this ‘festive’ season, from one child to another, could mean the world.

Key Stage 2 and the Autism Mama

04/07/2019 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

How? How can it be nearly the end of the summer term already. We’ve had sports day (he took part, he did bloody brilliantly), we’ve had the school summer trip to the beach (say whaaaat? I grew up the Midlands. It was all mining museums and Shakespeare when I was a kid!) The shorts have been bought out from the back of the cupboard and I’ve started the mammoth thank you gift spree I and every other SEN parent does at the end of the year (it’s not a village raising my guy – it’s a flipping county!).

Only, this year, the gifts I buy and who I buy them for is taking on a particular significance. Because not only is Oscar moving into Key Stage 2 next year (or ‘The Juniors’ if you’re old like me!). He’s going to another school entirely. And writing that sentence has made me cry. And now I know why it’s taken me so long to write about this.

So OK, bit of back story. Oscar was diagnosed with Autism (Spectrum Disorder – neither word I am down with btw, but maybe that’s a post for another day) just before his third birthday. When it came to choosing a school for him in Year R we went through the whole specialist school process, only to be sure that our first choice of mainstream school was the right one for him. And so that’s where he went.

And at no point in the last three years have I ever ONCE questioned that choice. His school have been nothing but supportive and inclusive and Oscar has thrived there. His increase in understanding, communication and academic ability is everything we hoped for and more.

That being the case, the decision to move him, from a primary school we love, may seem a confusing one and you’d be right. It’s taken huge amounts of soul searching and studying my own motivation, to come to this difficult decision. Yeah it’s been a tough year.

It started with a suggestion from the school that, without a crystal ball, no one was sure how Oscar would cope with the gear change from Key Stage 1 to 2. The way the children are taught and the national expectations put on them changes dramatically between Years 2 and 3 and no one wanted to ‘set him up to fail’.

Of course this made me stop and think, but honestly my first reaction was ‘well no one knew how he’d do in Year R and he’s coping well’. Then I heard myself say it in meetings and I started to think, ‘do I want him just to cope?’.

So I cried down the phone at the SENCO and arranged meetings with possible schools and travelled all over Surrey to visit potential providers and completed application forms and held my breath.

Obviously there was a delay of quite some months between applying and finding out the result and in that time I’d almost talked myself out of the whole idea. I’d gone back to the argument that he was doing well academically where he was, he was settled, he knew the place, why rock the boat?

When we found out he’d been accepted to what was our first choice of school, we were pleased, but I was pretty ready to hand it back. Thanks, but no thanks. Then I thought I should just run the idea past Oscar. He’s not a baby anymore and he is getting really good at expressing himself and how he feels. So one night, at bedtime, when we were cuddled up and calm, I just threw it out there. How would he feel if he ever had to leave his school and go to another one?

He immediately sat up and said he wanted to. In no uncertain terms. He told me he wasn’t happy where he was, he felt he didn’t have any friends, he found the work too hard and he was often confused!

His reply floored me. He’d never mentioned any of these things. I knew he didn’t play with his classmates at lunch time as he attended ‘lunch club’ which provided more focused activities for children who struggled with the free flow of the playground. But I didn’t realise this had left him feeling isolated and unable to make friends. I also knew in Year 1 he’d spent a lot of lesson time in the room adjacent to his classroom, as they’d found he simply couldn’t concentrate with so many people round him. But I also knew this hadn’t been an issue this year and he spent all his lesson time in with his class.

He’d progressed so much from last year I thought he was doing really well. But just because he was learning to cope in these environments didn’t mean he was happy. And that was such a kick in the stomach. I felt so guilty. And I started to question my motives for keeping him there. If it wasn’t because he was happy and settled, why was it?

Turning the mirror on your own motivations, especially when it comes to your children, isn’t pretty. I realised one of the things I loved most about him going to a local mainstream school, was that whenever anyone asked where he went, I could tell them and that would be the end of the conversation. People just accepted it without me ever having to mention his diagnosis. Without even having to think about Autism. For a split second I was just a mum. Just like them.

I was horrified when I realised that that was actually the case. I was so angry with myself. How could I be so selfish? But I quickly realised I wasn’t really angry. Just incredibly sad. Sad for myself. Sad for the little girl who just desperately wants to fit in. Because that’s all that was really about. I’m just glad I was able to look at the situation with understanding eyes (two years of therapy paying for itself right there!).

So it was looking more and more like moving him was the right thing to do. But I wanted him to be sure. I wanted him to understand that he would be moving to another school. That there would still be work to do. I arranged for the whole family to go see the school. We visited on a Monday morning when all the children were in lessons. And it was the cutest, funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

Oscar asked the head if he could talk to the children. He then strode up to the front of the class, introduced himself as Oscar Fredrick Savage and asked if anyone had any questions for him. I nearly died keeping my giggles in! One of the students asked if Oscar was any good at Maths. To which O honestly answered “I’m good at easy Maths but not hard maths. Any more questions?” It still makes me guffaw when I think about it!

And that was that. At the end of the day, regardless of the reasons I’d had for keeping him in the same place or the reasons I’d had for moving him, we just ended up following his lead. It’s always been the same way. I’m not sure why I’m surprised it was the same this time.

His new school is still a mainstream school, with a centre for children with a communication or interaction need, where he’ll be based. Hopefully this set up means he’ll get the best of both worlds. It’s further away than I would ideally like, but he will still be getting transport there and back, like he always has. He’s done two induction mornings this week and as far as I can tell he likes it there. He’s told us he wants to start right away. As he doesn’t start until September. I think it’s going to be a long summer!

His current school is still wonderful. You’d be lucky to have your child go there (if it worked for them of course). I’ll miss it so much. The people, the buildings, the playground, the understanding.

Oscar says he’ll miss his den in the trees and Maggie the school dog.

Part of me is still sad. Part of me still feels a little like I’ve failed somehow (ridiculous I know, but you can’t help how you feel). Part of me feels like I need to explain to everyone that it’s not the school’s fault, that his current school is still awesome for children with additional needs. That he can cope where he is. But that I just want more than that for my boy.

And another part of me knows I don’t have to explain anything. To anyone. So the next time someone asks me which school he goes to, I’ll just tell them.

And leave it at that.

With his Sports Day medals. Baby you’ll always be a winner to me.

Amsterdam, the perfect city break with children

27/03/2019 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

We haven’t done much travelling since Oscar was born. I’d like to say ‘I’m not really sure why’, but I know exactly why. Fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of it all going so very wrong and being so very far away from home. I’d like to say his Autism diagnosis played a part, and I guess to an extent it did. But I’m starting to think it did only in as much as we have used it as an excuse to justify the fear.

Anyway Oscar is nearly seven now and for the past two years his daddy has worked most of the week, every week, in Amsterdam. Amsterdam is less than an hours flight from London and if we were looking for a first experience outside of the country, we thought might prove to be the perfect place to start.

Flying with Oscar was probably the biggest mental hurdle I had to get over with this trip and I will write at more length about it in another post. But suffice to say, the airport/flight/transport angle of the trip went as well as we had prepared for.

And I was so right about Amsterdam. We LOVED it. Since coming home I have become almost evangelical about how good the city is to visit with children. When I tell them, most people look at me like I’ve lost the plot, but it’s true. Amsterdam is so much more than red light districts, stag dos and weed. Amsterdam with children is superb!

We went for five nights and it worked out just right for us. Ben was with us for the flights and for Sunday. On the other days he had to work, leaving Oscar and I to explore alone. And do you know what? ‘Flying solo’ as it were, in another country was not nearly as nerve wracking as it could have been. I chose one ‘thing’ to do a day and with the help of good old Google Maps, we just got on and did them!

Nemo Science Museum

Our first full day in Amsterdam was a Sunday and so we chose to do something we could all enjoy together. The Nemo Science Museum blew our minds. Five floors of hands on exploration. Oscar couldn’t have been happier. It was busy but it was also so big that there was rarely an exhibit you couldn’t get close to. It really was designed with children in mind, with written explanations kept to a minimum and never in the way of the hands on fun. The staff to visit ratio was also impressive, with many staff members floating about always on hand to explain or demonstrate.

The factory process machine was absolutely Oscar’s favourite

We stayed for the entire day, making our way up through the floors and then back down again to see the things we’d missed, or revisit favourites. We had lunch in the incredibly well stocked fifth floor restaurant and thoroughly appreciated the outdoor play zone next to the restaurant.

The entrance cost was a little higher than we’re used to (coming from the UK where most museums are free), but it was absolutely worth it. And to be fair, I could have got in for free if I’d remembered my Carer’s paperwork. Ahh well, next time.

Zaanse Schans

Zaanse Schans is a kind of living museum of Dutch history/industry. If you’re looking to get your fill of windmills, cheese and clogs then this is the place to go and it was only forty minutes by bus from Central Amsterdam (and only 25 from where we were in Zaandam). Yes a lot of the exhibits were thinly veiled shops and it was probably the most touristy thing you can in Amsterdam, but we really enjoyed it none the less.

Five Windmills. Oscar loves a good thumbs up!

The Black Kat Windmill as seen from the river. We also went inside this mill!

Oscar loved being able to go inside one of the working windmills, despite being unsure about the smell of milling chalk (it was incredibly strong and unusual). We both thought it was a fascinating experience.

Thumbs sideways. It was good but the smell was too strong for Oscar.

A highlight of our visit was the boat cruise round the River Zaan, taking in all of the Windmills on the site. Oscar getting to drive the boat really was his highlight of the day!

If you go to Amsterdam and don’t pose with a giant clog, did you even go to Amsterdam?

Verkade Experience

We started our trip to Zaanse Schaans with a visit to the Verkade Experience, a museum dedicated to the history and processes of the Dutch chocolate maker Verkade. Overall I think its probably a museum better suited to adults. Oscar’s expectations of some kind of Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory were sadly disappointed! It was very much a museum for information and the staff were very professional but not particularly child friendly. Side note: it was also the only place I ever had to mention Oscar’s diagnosis to explain his behaviour to an unfriendly member staff the whole week.

Vondelpark

We absolutely loved Vondelpark, in the centre of Amsterdam. It’s a giant park full of life (including a colony of wild parakeets!) with seven playgrounds aimed at all ages and abilities. You could literally spend an entire day there, playground hopping, making friends and having a ball. Which is exactly what we did! It’s also free, which for an amazing day out, in the centre of a European capital, is rare.

Oscar loved this tree top playground. Everywhere we went he found children to play with. While many children in Amsterdam speak English, language simply wasnt an issue even when they didn’t!

When a fallen tree becomes a playground in it’s own right!

Kinderkookkafe

The only money we spent on our trip to Vondelpark was on lunch at Kinderkookkafe. Situated in the park, this cafe was so different to anything we’ve ever been to before and Oscar absolutely loved it.

Aimed at 1-6 year olds (although we saw older children having just as much fun!), everything is at child height including the visual image menu. The idea is the children choose their meal, take the ingredients, make their own lunch and the staff then cook it for them. Oscar chose pizza, followed by a cupcake (and then an apple, because he just loved the apple peeling machine they had!)

IMG_8836 - Copy — The Kinderkookkafe in Vondelpark. There was a choice of either steps or a slide from the front door into the cafe!

Everything was accessible to children

The cafe had a menu for adults (not prepared by the children!) which was basic but really delicious. The cafe also had its own enclosed outdoor playground, aimed at preschoolers. It would be perfect for summer afternoon hang out with the children!

Anne Frank’s House (Anne Frank Huis)

The visit to the famous Anne Frank House, was definitely more for me than for Oscar, but I’m so glad we did it. He coped so unbelievably well in the house, and seemed to understand the sombre tone (which the museum sets brilliantly with subdued lighting and sparse displays). However, I’m not sure all children would get it. It’s definitely one to make a parenting judgement call on.

If you are planning to visit I would highly recommend reading Anne’s full and unabridged diary before going. I did and consequently felt I got more out of the visit. It also allowed us to forgo the handheld audio tour, given to everyone on arrival. This meant we could move around the building more freely but it also enabled me to keep the commentary I was giving to Oscar (quietly) more appropriate to his level.

Six is very young to expose to the full horrors of the Holocaust. But it did start a conversation and for that I was grateful. I also bought him a fantastic book on the way out, written by the Anne Frank Foundation based on the questions they have been asked by children over the years. It meant I had answers to any questions he may have come away with.

My only other suggestion if you’re planning to visit the house is to book your tickets in advance. The museum only allows a certain number of people in per allocated time slot so booking in advance should mean avoiding long queues.

Oh yes and PANCAKES Amsterdam is next door. Delicious!

Conclusion

I’ve never been one for ‘city breaks’. A holiday where I got to relax on a beach was always much more my thing. But since having a child, and particularly a child like Oscar, I’ve had to reevaluate what a good holiday looks like to me now. And I can hand on heart tell you that, right now, city breaks, in cities that really get kids and appreciate parents, are the way ahead.

We not only had fantastic fun, but we all came away having learnt something. About another culture, about history, about ourselves.

And I can’t ignore how proud this holiday made me feel. Of Oscar; he really threw himself into the whole trip and came away with some amazing memories. But also of myself. I did this! And I can’t wait to do it again.

Which is why we’ve booked to go to Stockholm this summer!! Yup I’ve truly caught the family city break bug. I can’t wait to show my little guy the world. One trip at a time ????

Mental Health and the Autism Mama

03/05/2017 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

9th March 2015. A Monday. A stuffy office in the paediatric department of the Royal Surrey County Hospital. Six adults all agreeing that a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder was appropriate for my almost three year old, blonde haired, blue eyed son. I remember so much about that meeting. The room was so hot. I felt so sick. If I’d had to picture the setting my world would fall from under me in, this small grey room with uncomfortable chairs wouldn’t have been it. It would have been exotic, dramatic, or at least better looking. But here we were.

In those first few moments I was given a plethora of leaflets about support for Oscar. This agency would help with this, this one with that. It was mind boggling, and most of it went straight in the bin. It was too much to take in at that moment. But the one question I did ask was which one of these leaflets was for the agency that was going to support me? Which one was going to give me the help I was going to need now my parenting journey had been screwed up and chucked over the doctor’s shoulder. I remember saying “That’s great, thank you. And what support do I get?”. The paediatrician laughed in my face. Literally. “There isn’t any!” she told me. Any that was that.

I remember going to the doctors several months later to apply for a one off Carer’s prescription grant, as suggested by our Early Years case worker. The doctor asked why I wanted the grant and I started to explain how hard looking after Oscar was and how desperately sad the diagnosis had left me. She looked on awkwardly while I started to cry and ask again, where was the support for me? Was there nothing for post diagnosis depression similar to post partum depression. She scolded me and told me that was something very different and to come back if things got much worse. I left with the feeling I’d wasted someone’s time and that I should be coping better. I never went back.

But things didn’t get “better”. It just got ‘different’. And still no agency was interested in how I was coping. Several people suggested peer support, but I’m not good at leaning on friends. I tried to find a SEN support network online, but struggled taking on everyone else’s sadness as well as mine. It could have been extremely helpful, but I just felt like I wasn’t giving as much as I felt I was taking. Or as though everyone was doing SEN parenting better than me. Even down to the amount they worried. It felt I wasn’t worrying enough. So I had to step back.

And all the while what I was really feeling was akin to grief. A grief for the child I thought I had. A grief for the parenting journey I thought I was on. A grief for the kind of relationship I would never have with my son. For the mother I would never get to be. All while coping with child who needs me in a way I’m still figuring out on a daily basis. And mentally berating myself for not doing, or coping, or being better. Because I should be grateful I had a child at all.

Eventually I knew something needed to change. My heart felt like it was breaking all the time and I hadn’t experienced anxiety this bad since I was a teenager. I also realised no one was going to formally offer to help me. I was so disillusioned with the support (or lack of it) I’d been offered by the NHS, that I didn’t even bother going to them. I found a private therapist. And it’s turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. I struck lucky and found someone I felt comfortable talking to immediately (having seen counsellors in the past I know this is not always the case). And things I’ve never said to anyone have now been said. Burdens have been laid down for a while.

I’m not saying everything’s fine and hunky dory now. It’s not. I’m still coming to terms with plenty of stuff, stuff I sometimes think I might never find peace with. But I keep trying. Because for all the support Oscar gets as someone with ASD, none of it as important as the support he gets from his parents. From me. And if I don’t get the support I need to give him the best of me then none of the other services are worth jack.

I still think it’s a joke that parents going through such a traumatic event in their lives are just expected to get on with it without support. I hate that I was made to feel stupid for asking for help. And I’m so heartbreakingly sad that there probably other parents out there right now whose lives are being blown apart by a diagnosis they never wanted and with no idea how they will ever put their lives back together again.

So on this #worldmentalhealthday, I just wanted to fly the flag for SEN parents. The overworked, over looked, under supported. Your mental health is worth everything. You deserve support, as much as anyone. Don’t be afraid to ask for it. Ignore those who laugh in your face, or tell you you’re are not as in need as new parents. You are. Because supporting your mental health is really supporting your child.

And isn’t that the most important thing?