Yes its me and yes I’ve been silent of late and yes there’s been a really good reason for that (or not a reason at all depending on how you look at it!) Last weeks post didn’t happen, because to be fair to me, last weeks weigh in didn’t happen. We had some news, which I’m not going to go in to again (you can read about it here if you’re interested) that basically threw my head out of the window. I think we survived on takeout and oven chips last week, but I don’t really care that much.
Anywho, I told myself I was going to knock all that on the head come the weekend but that didn’t happen. In fact if anything it got worse. I wasn’t just eating food I would never normally (hello bread my old friend, how have you been?) I’ve been gorging on anything and everything. Even things I’m not enjoying, things I don’t really like or really want. If I was to use the Swan metaphor I was remaining calm on top and stuffing my face madly underneath. I know WHY I did this. Why my behaviour slipped back to emotional state I’ve not experienced in a loooong time. I’m not proud of it. Using food as some kind of gastronomic drug to soothe and self harm all at once. Some people drink themselves into oblivion for the same reasons, but it seems my panacea of choice will always be food.
Ho hum. The fact that I only gained 1.5lb over the past two weeks has astounded me. I’m back to having only lost 6 stone exactly, but I can live with that. What I can’t live with is the way that eating as though the end is nigh is making me feel physically. My mind may be placated, but my body’s in uproar! Basically I feel like shit. My skin’s terrible and I feel so lethargic. The body’s no fool, it knows what’s going on! So, as much as counting syns and being back with my head fully in the game might be asking a lot at the moment, I will be reverting to more ‘normal’ eating this week, if only to get some energy back. And right now, I need all the energy I can get!
Plus I’ve just ordered the coolest t-shirt in a size 14-16 and I’d really like to be able to wear it!