Alone

The sun is streaming through my lounge window. The lounge is as tidy as it ever gets. The house is not quiet, its peaceful. And I feel reborn.

Its hard to explain how having my four year old start school has made me feel. Yes it’s been sad and yes it’s been heart wrenchingĀ but it’s also been somewhat liberating. In a way I wasn’t expecting.

I have yet to clean the house. I will, I promise, but I’m just taking my time. My time. Time for me. Imagine that!

Hot coffee. Peaceful toilet trips. Sometimes I feel like I’m just sitting in stunned silence.

I have used my new office just once this week. I will use it more, but at the moment I’m getting used to being in the house, my house, alone. I didn’t realise how rarely that had actually happened in the last four years until now. Even the peaceful times when Oscar was younger, were when he was napping. He was here and I was ‘en garde’ so to speak. Now there is no one here. Just me.

I’m listening hard. And hoping to hear myself.

For the first time in a long time.

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Toot toot!

Just a quick little blow of my own trumpet here. Today has been an exceptionally proud blogging day for me and I wanted to tell you all about it.

 

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Firstly, my post about Oscar’s ASD diagnosis has been featured on the front page of the Good Mother Project, a collaborative storytelling site, all about focusing on the positive in motherhood. As they say

“We are all in this motherhood thing together, Motherhood is hard. It’s messy. It’s exhausting. It’s lonely. It’s overwhelming. But it’s beautiful, too.”

How gorgeous is that?

Anyway, they chose my story about our own special journey and it went live today. Right up there on the front page. Tiny squeee from me!

 

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And then if that wasn’t enough excitement, my first post as a Regular Blogger for the online magazine Mummy Pages also went live today!

Mummy Pages approached me about becoming a regular blogger for them after I featured as their Mummy Blogger of the Week a while back. Apparently they really liked my style. How lovely is that? Anyway, I’ll be writing two original posts for them a month, so I’ll be sure to give you the heads up when a new one is live.

The first one is dedicated to Ben’s mum and is called When the mother-in-law came to visit (their title I might add – maybe I’ll work on that for next time!)

I also published this post about what blogging means to me. Funnily enough I wrote most of it yesterday before I knew about all the excitement of today. But everything I say in it is true. This really is just the beginning šŸ˜‰

Thank you for reading and supporting me. Trumpeting over.

xx

Being a Blogger is…..

I’ve been tagged, by the beautiful Gym Bunny Mummy (seriously if you haven’t checked out her blog yet do. It’s just so gorgeous! I have serious WordPress theme and photo envy every time I visit her blog!) to complete a post about about what blogging means to me. Its called

Being a Blogger is….

It’s not something I’ve really considered before, but once I started, I knew this was a post I’ve needed to write for a while. So here we go.

Being a Blogger is….baffling. I never intended for anyone to read my ramblings much less follow them and actually be interested in what I have to say. And despite doing this for two years now I still don’t really think of myself as a “blogger”. I’m just that girl who publishes stuff online and hopes people might like it. Maybe I need to start thinking of my blogging status differently. After all thousands of people a month seem to think I’m a blogger (gawd love ’em), so why don’t I?

Being a Blogger is….a massive confidence boost. When I first started writing, my confidence was at an all time low after becoming a new mother, giving up my job and (I felt at the time) my identity. Writing gave me something I could really be proud of and when people started to respond with wonderful and thoughtful comments, particuarly about my weight loss or to tell me something I’d written had made them think or cry, I wont deny it lifted me up and made me happier and more confident than I’d been in a long, long time.

Being a Blogger is….therapy. This is particularly true in terms of my weight loss posts but also with Oscar’s diagnosis of Autism. When I was finally able to get it out on my blog I felt 100% better about the whole process. Took me a while to get there mind you!

Being a Blogger is….creative. I’d kind of given up on being creative. I used to be and always wanted to be, but somehow never really found my outlet in admin! My writing has allowed me to wake up that long dormant creative streak, which I can see developing as my posts progress, but also in the rest of my life, with the things I do and wear and try. It’s my inspiration.

Being a Blogger is….being part of a community. I love my mummy friends to bits, don’t get me wrong, but I have found some amazing souls through being a blogger and my use of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. People who have helped me, supported me, made me feel valued and given me confidence in who I am. And yet I’ve met so few of them in real life. They’re such an eclectic bunch and I’ve ‘met’ people I would never have done otherwise. I’m proud to be getting my name known around the community, because it’s such a valuable thing to be a part of.

Being a Blogger is….my thing. I never really had many interests before I started writing. If people met me for the first time I always talked about what I did for a living. God how boring was I that I had nothing else to define me than my job, which for many years I hated. Now I have something I have created and am immensely proud of to talk about (if people really want to hear about it. I am acutely aware of becoming a blogging bore!)

Being a Blogger is …. space. Space to say and do and be who and what I want. I like to think I’m not controversial as such, but if I need to ask a question, even if I don’t have the answer (particularly if I don’t have the answer) then my blog is my space to do it. Sometimes I even get an answer back. I don’t expect everyone to agree with everything I write, blimey it’d make for a dull world if they did, but it’s my space to write what I want.

Being a Blogger is….. so much fun. From the events I’ve attended, to the holidays I’ve been on, from the conversations I’ve had to the sentences I’ve written that have made me laugh, I’ve had so much fun because of my blog. Bringing up Oscar is my life’s work, but what with one thing and another it’s not always the most fun. I’m so grateful for the fun my blog brings into my life.

But really

Being a Blogger is…. just the beginning ?

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My office

I would like to tag these superb bloggers to tell me what Being a Blogger means to them:

 

 

 

Just me…

I am fast approaching 35. I will soon be truly in my mid thirties. I am married. I have a young son who I spend my time caring for and thinking about and being responsible for. I worry about his behaviour, his development, his food (both intake and content). I am a mother.

But just sometimes I want to feel like more than that.

I sat down today to write a very worthy and well thought-out post about the differences in all our children and how good it feels to know that what I have chosen to do (choice by choice) was the right thing for Oscar (regardless of whether it was right for another child etc). I still might write it. It’s a good piece.

But right now I want to listen to music that breaks my heart or makes it jump. I want to dance and to not think at all. It doesn’t happen that often, but just now I want to be engulfed by a beat and let it take me away. I just want to be me.

So instead of writing my worthy mummy post I have my headphones on and Spotify turned up loud and I’m going to tell you a bit about me.

Just me.

1) I have moved house 13 times in my nearly 35 years.

2) I have lived in the West Midlands, Devon, London (South West and East), South Wales and Surrey.

3) Possibly because of No1 I am a ruthless declutterer. I also have next to no ornaments.

4) I get a thrill out of selling on eBay. If it sits unused for long enough in my house its gone. Come to mine and sit still long enough you could find yourself on the Bay.

5) I am the oldest of three children.

6) I used to be so scared of spiders that I once called Ben back from the pub to come and catch one I saw in the lounge (it was MASSIVE!) and sat on the worktop til he came home. After having Oscar I realised the spiders eat the flies that were bothering my baby so I started leaving them alone. Me and spiders now live a happy coexistence.

7) I did GCSE Dance. I wasn’t very good. I got a D. But how many other people do you know who did GCSE dance?

8) My favourite numbers are 12 and 9. I have no idea why.

9) I have, and always have had, very wide feet.

10) I enjoy cross stitch. The first one I ever did was a Winnie the Pooh for my GodDaughter’s Christening.

11) I love nail varnish, but very rarely have the patience to let it dry without smudging it.

12) I am not one of life’s patient people, but I am your go to girl, if you need a decision making quickly and under pressure.

13) I was an Account Manager for Face to Face Fundraising for 5 years. You may hate it as a fundraising method, but don’t ever start an argument about it with me. You will never win. Could still be fun though!

14) I ran a summer playscheme for young people in Swansea in 2010. It was the most fun I’ve ever had that I got paid for.

15) I have only had two serious boyfriends in my whole life. I have been engaged to both of them.

16) The food I think I could eat every day is Smoked Salmon.

17) I would rather eat razor blades than peas.

18) I didn’t fly until I was 21. I also didn’t have a passport until I was 21.

19) My maiden name was WiLLson with two Ls. No one ever ever spelt it right. I was so happy to change it.

20) My married name is Savage. More people than you would imagine, have a problem with the surname Savage. It’s a real word people! Who ever heard of the word Savidge (yes I’ve had it spelt like that!)

21) I have Epilepsy and have had since I was 13. I haven’t had a fit for over a year (quick touch some wood!).

22) I spent most of my childhood wanting to be a teacher.

23) My teenage posters went from Kylie and Jason to Take That to Jon Bon Jovi. Don’t judge me,

24) I was a children’s shoe fitter for 2 years and I fitted the bridesmaids for Tim Henman’s wedding.

25) I can’t drive (mostly due to No 21). I did start to learn in 2010 and plan to take it back up.

26) I can be competitive, but not enough to actually be the best at anything. Casual competitiveness that’s me.

27) I have traveled to four continents (Europe, America, Africa & Asia).

28) Its been my dream to visit Australia since spending a term at Primary School studying it. We also studied World War Two, but I have never wanted to visit that.

29) I have only ever owned two pets as an adult. Two goldfish called Monkhouse and Kilroy. Kilroy died within a day of getting him.

30) I’m not allergic to anything. The only intolerance I have is of thoughtlessness. And the Archers.

31) My favourite subject at school was Drama. I took Theatre Studies A ‘level and went on to study it at University. I never wanted to be an Actor.

32) I love singing. I was in a choir at school and sang in a concert at the NEC for Children in Need with Jasper Carrot and Roy Castle. These days you’re more likely to find me singing in the kitchen whilst cooking. Or occasionally at Karaoke.

33) I’m shudder inducingly scared of rats. Bleugh!

34) I’m a big fan of BBC TV comedy. Favourites include Blackadder, Ab Fab, The Thick of it, Alan Partridge, Gavin & Stacey and The Mighty Boosh.

35) I have an uncanny ability to remember lyrics to songs.

36) I have never been skiing. Anyone who knows how clumsy I can be will probably thankful for this.

37) I have an unhealthy love of Diet Coke. It’s ruining my teeth!

38) I have sprained my ankle twice, cracked a bone in my foot, broken my big toe, broken my left index finger, cracked a rib and have subluxated (not quite dislocated) my shoulder several times. See why No 36 is not a good idea?

39) I love cooking and reading cooking books. You can knock her for her food porn programs, but Nigella Lawson is a fantastic writer and I love reading her books as much as I do cooking her food. So there!

40) This blog is saving my sanity one post at a time and I am, and always will be, eternally grateful, touched and a tiny bit bewildered that people actually take the time to read it.

Thank you for indulging today’s random post. We all need a little bit of the random in our lives. It’s what keeps the boredom at bay!

Would love to hear a random fact about you that I might not know.

Just me, 1996

 

Just me, 2013

Just me, 2013