Motherhood

My baby starts school in September – what am I going to do?

05/07/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

My baby boy is no longer a baby. He’s a strapping 3ft, four year old. And he starts full time school in September. Sigh. And if that wasn’t hard enough, for the past few months I’ve been fending off varying versions of the following questions:

What are you going to do when he starts school?

So are you going back to work in September?

Just think of all that free time. What will you do?

People mean well I’m sure, but it’s starting to get tiresome. For a start no, no I’m not going ‘back’ to work. Primarily because I have no work to go back to. I have no career to pick up. I fell into every job I ever had. Some jobs I ended up loving, some I hated, but most I just felt ambivalent about. Also looking ‘back’ doesn’t feel a very positive thing to do. Moving forward is where it’s at surely? So no, I won’t be going ‘back’, to anything.

I have some ideas of what I might do when he’s in school full time. And I’m hoping that won’t be too long coming. But nothing is certain with Oscar. I have no idea how he’s going to react, to settle. His Autism makes life supremely unpredictable at the best of times, so who knows how he’ll react to something as monumental as starting school. My guess is that all my energy, at least for the first term, is going to be spent on transitioning him and supporting him with what ever he needs to get the best out of his school career.

But people are right, eventually he will (fingers crossed) be settled and my day time will be less constricted by him. So what could I do? What do other SAHMs of school age children do round our way?

The gym

I look around me and for those who don’t go out to work (or who work part time) in my town it would seem the place to be is the gym. Or at least I assume it is. The amount of mamas rocking the kind of gym wear I wouldn’t even wear in the gym let alone on the streets tells me that my fellow SAHMama with school age children spend at least some of their time working out. It’s definitely an option I guess. We have a local leisure centre. Maybe I would find a new tribe to hang out with there?

Have another baby

Another option seems to have a baby. So many of Oscar’s preschool chums who are starting school in September have pregnant mothers or new siblings. I mean it’s a pretty drastic way to amuse yourself while your older child is at school (ðŸ˜œ) but it’s not for me. Done at one, that’s me, so no new baby for me.

Drink coffee

OK, so I spend most of my mornings in the various coffee shops of Haslemere, so I can’t really talk, but hey I’m alone, working. I see the mamas, often without children getting to enjoy a cuppa or two. I could quite happily keep doing that! Only problem with that is that I have no one to drink coffee with. All my friends work, or are in the gym, or popping out babies (see above). I wrote a post in 2013 about how hard it was to make friends when you’re an adult and you don’t work. But I thought I’d done it. Got over the embarrassment and let my little one break the ice for me. Only here I am, three years down the line and seriously having to consider how to find new friends. Again. Without the help of a cute little blue eyed bundle!

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OK, so these are definitely some of the options I see around, but what about options that are a bit more specific to me? Cos I can’t see me joining the spandex wearing, latte drinking, baby machines just yet 😉

Blogging

Of course. I mean I’ve managed to do three years so far, all in either nap time or two hour nursery slots, so imagine how much better it could be with more time. I could actually have a schedule and plan posts. I know right!! Also I’ve had to turn down all sorts of blogging opportunities as I’ve had no one to look after Oscar. I’m really hoping I can start accepting more opportunities and growing what I can offer. And who knows, actually start to make some money! Shock horror!

Decorating

There are various rooms in the house that need attention, particularly the bathroom (and the kitchen is a whole other post!) But if I’m going to make a go of my blog then the thing I really need is an office. We have no spare room, or even a spare nook in our house, however we do have a large shed sort of thing at the bottom of the garden (we rather grandly call it the Summer House!) that, cleaned out and tarted up, could make a lovely office/writing space. We’d need to get electricity down there and some form of WiFi or network, but it’s definitely something to think about and could be a great project!

Learn to Drive

As I’ve mentioned before I am taking driving lessons at the moment. Well I was. It’s on hiatus at the moment, partly due to finances, partly due to not really gelling with my instructor. But the plan is totally to keep going and when Oscar is at school it’ll be easier to arrange my lessons and not have to race (not literally) back for him.

Volunteer

There are all sorts of organisations round here that need assistance and as someone who worked in Volunteer Recruitment and Support back in the old days, maybe I should jump to the other side of the fence and practice what I preached all those years ago. It’s widely acknowledged that volunteering is not only great for the community but also for the volunteers themselves, with studies showing altruism leading to the ‘helper’s high’. And who doesn’t want to help their community and feel good about it while they do?

Get a job

Of course there is always the option to get a part time job, probably locally due to drop off and pick up times. I’m not happy to put Oscar into childcare either end of the school day (even at school) yet, and to be honest I have no idea if any one would even be able to take him! So a job would need to fit 100% around him and that’s asking a lot. And makes me think I should try harder with this writing malarkey!

Yes, there are plenty of options for things I could be doing when Oscar starts school. For one we’ve decided to stop having a cleaner so I’m going to have to start cleaning the bathroom again at some stage (boohoo). But to be honest, right now, I want to enjoy my time with him. In a few months he’ll be uniformed up and off into the big world, forging his own unique path, whatever that may be.

So stop asking me what I’m going to be doing in the future. I just want to concentrate on what we’re doing today.

Finding my blogging niche – and why I won’t be bothering

30/06/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

I’ve been doing this blogging lark for a while now. When I started out, this blog was supposed to be nothing more than a place to dump my thoughts and to get stuff off my chest that simply had no where else to go. I never set out with an agenda. I didn’t start this to be ‘a blogger’ I started to give myself ‘a space’. The lack of a derivative of the word ‘mummy’ in my blog title should tell you that. My blog is me.

So imagine how alien I find the concept of finding ‘a niche’ for my blog? But this is what successful bloggers are advising now. I can understand why. The market place is crowded for one. Having a ‘thing’ will make you stand out in the, to be honest, noisy crowd. And I don’t know, maybe people want to to be able to compartmentalise their lives in these days of ultimate connectivity. A case of ‘I get this from her’ or ‘that from him’? I guess. But, do you know what, I don’t buy it.

I want to read about people. About everything in their lives. I don’t follow a blog for their niche. To be honest I don’t really follow any blogs that I don’t enjoy reading. I want that person to speak to me, to hear their voice in their writing. And it doesn’t matter how much you pigeon hole yourself, if you can’t write a coherent, interesting piece that speaks to me, regardless of subject, I just won’t come back.

The best compliment about my blog I’ve ever received was from distant family member. They told me they’d been reading for a while and had absolutely no interest in the topics I was writing about but just couldn’t stop reading. It blew me away, but confirmed to me that I don’t need to pin my colours to any one subject.

Yes I write about being a parent. My stay at home life means parenting is a huge part of what I do. And in that I also write about Autism, what it means to our family, the dizzying highs and the stomach churning lows. But hey I write about me too. I am more than my family, my child, than his diagnosis. I refuse to squash my square life into a round blog hole. It’s messy and confusing and full of heartbreak. Just as it’s bright and exciting and full of achievement.

My niche is me. And no one else can write about that.

Square peg in a round role

Why we didn’t co-sleep, and why I kind of regret it

13/06/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

When I had Oscar, the hospital took great pains to communicate that they did not approve of co-sleeping. Either that or they didn’t approve of me, a plus size mama, co-sleeping with my baby. I don’t know what your experience of the NHS was (or even just RSCH), but I was told that while they couldn’t tell me not to, how would I feel if fell asleep and ‘something happened’ and that it wasn’t worth the risk. I came home absolutely petrified of ever falling asleep even near him. Honestly, I remember an awful experience in those early days of waking up in bed, having drifted off and screaming blue murder because I couldn’t remember putting Oscar in his crib. My tired, petrified brain assumed I must have fallen asleep on top of him and the worst must have happened. As it was he was in his crib. Yes, a well placed comment to a super scared new mother really had done a job on me.

So we didn’t co-sleep. At all. Ever. It wasn’t until he was three that I started to allow myself to doze if he fell asleep on me while lying on the sofa. Sometimes I feel angry about that. Oscar is my only child and I feel like it’s a part of his babyhood I really missed out on. A bonding experience that we really should have had. Then, other times I think perhaps he wouldn’t have appreciated being in with us anyway. He is a good sleeper and has been since he was about 9 months old. When we explained this to his paediatrician, she was surprised, and attributed this to the clear bedtime routine he has had since he was tiny.

Either way, it’s something I’d never done. Until very recently.

A couple of weeks ago we went to Devon to see family. Oscar, the boy who is rarely ill, started throwing up about an hour into the journey and kept nothing down until he passed out in my sister in laws bed around 5pm. Poor dot. We decided not to move him and that I would sleep in with him and that Ben would take the ‘put you up’ bed in my nephew’s room next door. I have to admit I had mixed emotions going to bed that night. On the one hand I still felt a little scared, vestiges of old learnt behaviour I guess. But on the other hand I felt absolutely thrilled. It sounds so stupid, but I was just so excited that I was actually going to get to know what this ‘co-sleeping’ malarkey felt like. Even when he woke up bright as a button at 3.30am, I couldn’t be annoyed at him. Because he was there next to me. And when he’d watched the iPad for a while and then decided to wake me again at 6 because “I need hungry mummy”, I could do nothing but make him breakfast to eat in bed with me, while I sat there, in awe of him.

After he ate his breakfast (and kept it all down) he fell asleep again on my leg. I gently pulled him back up the bed and fell asleep with him in my arms. The way it should have been from day one. I felt a little sad that it had taken us so long to have this beautiful experience (and for him to be so ill) but I really was grateful it had happened at all and I can see why some people rave about it.

We did it again the next night at Oscar’s insistence and yes I did get a hand in the face and a kick in the thigh in the night. And the amount of space a little body can take up in an comparatively enormous bed was baffling (Ben says O sleeps like me!) and I couldn’t see it ever working with all three of us in the bed. But I’m just so grateful we got to experience it at all. Really, the only way I can describe it is magical!

Even if he did wake me by lifting my eyelid and asking “You wanna build a snowmaaaaaan”

The Mummy Tag

07/06/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

I have been tagged by my gorgeous friend Maria over at Suburban Mum to do the Mummy Tag post. The idea behind it is to answer these questions and to find out more about the blogger behind the writing, as mums and as people!

So, without further ado, this is me:

1. Are you a Stay at Home Mum or a Working Mum?

Stay At Home. I have been since Oscar was born. It wasn’t planned that way. I fully intended to go back after my mat leave finished, but we couldn’t make it work financially. Daycare (at least where I live) is ridiculously expensive. It took me a long time to come to terms with not earning my own income.

2. Would you have it any other way?

Even though I struggled terribly with the idea of giving up work, I am glad I’ve been able to be here for his early years and I like to think it meant I was able to jump on the situation when Oscar’s development clearly wasn’t matching that of his peers. Now that he has a diagnosis of Autism, it’s been good for him that I can be around consistently and focus on getting him the best support possible.

However, to be honest, I do have days where I still miss going out to work dreadfully. People keep asking whether I’ll go back to work once he’s in school, and if he didn’t have the issues he does I may well look into it, but it seems cruel to put him through all the changes at school to only change everything at home too! So for now I plan to use that time to focus on my blog more. And whatever happens in the future will always have to fit around Oscar.

3. Do you co-sleep?

No, never. Not even when he was tiny. I was sent home from hospital absolutely petrified of falling asleep and squashing him. They really did one on me. I wish I hadn’t been so scared. But do you know, he won’t even try and get in with us now, even if I offer, so I maybe it wouldn’t have worked for him anyway. He likes his own space and he’s a good sleeper. I like to think that’s partly due to us starting good bedtime habits very early on.

4. What is your one must-have item for your baby?

My baby is four now, but as I don’t drive, something I wouldn’t have been without from day one was a decent buggy. We’ve had two buggies in our time. We started with the Mothercare My3, which we used as a pram for the early days and then mama facing for nearly a year. He grew out of that when he was about 20 months old so we switched to a OutnAbout 360. And good god I love that buggy. It doesn’t do mama facing, so I wouldn’t have wanted it when he was tiny, but I love how much sense everything about it makes. It’s so manoeuvrable and has a tiny turning circle for such a big bit of kit. And it folds down really flat! It’s also tough and up to the job of a feisty boy, which is lucky as Oscar’s Autism has meant we’ve used it a lot longer than we anticipated. He’s nearly 3 stone, but the 360 still keeps going. Yep, I wouldn’t have been without a decent buggy for all the tea in China!

The OutnAbout 360 in all its new glory. Doesn't look quite this clean now! — The OutnAbout 360 in all its new glory. Doesn’t look quite this clean now!

5. How many kids do you plan on having?

Just the one. You can read a who post about my thoughts on families who chose to have only one child here.

6. Date nights? How often do you have them?

We love a night out and so try to arrange one whenever we remember and or can book our lovely babysitter. Not having family close by means no free babysitting, but we still occasionally need to go out of the house together without the boy so make the effort to book and pay someone. We don’t have a regular date night though – I think that would kind of take the fun out of it!

7. Your childâ€™s favourite show?

Honestly, it changes every week, sometimes every day! He will always have a soft spot for Thomas the Tank though.

8. Name one thing you bought before you had the baby and never ended up using?

A very expensive Organic Merino Wool swaddle and hat. It was beautiful, but Oscar refused to be swaddled from day two. It was such a shame. We managed to get one picture of him in it and that was it. I sold it in the end!

9. Your childâ€™s favourite food?

Other than chocolate? At the moment Pancakes or Jacket Potato.

10. How many cars does your family have?

One. I don’t drive, although I am currently learning. Once I pass my test (whenever that may be), we’ll definitely have to get an additional vehicle!

11. Weight gain, before pregnancy, during, after and now?

I was seriously overweight before my pregnancy, I always have been. During my pregnancy I actually lost a stone and half in the first two trimesters as my tastes changed completely. However, in his first year, I found it so hard to concentrate on anything and lived on toast. ALLLLL the toast. And cake. And gained huge amounts of weight. I joined Slimming World when he was 1 and originally managed to lose 6.5 stone. After his Autism diagnosis I struggled to stay on plan and gained some of the weight back, but I’m back trying again now. Weight is complex issue for me, but I’ve blogged about that a lot and that’s been incredibly helpful.

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12. Dream holiday with your kids?

My husband and I used to love going to the Greek islands, particularly the quieter islands, before we had Oscar. It was always our plan to take our child over there once we had one, but so far we’ve not been brave enough to fly with him. But I would dearly love to one day.

13. Dream holiday without your kids?

Ben and I had our honeymoon in the Maldives and it was the best holiday of my life. I’d love to go back. But to be honest I would be happy anywhere I could have a break from being a mum for a few days. Especially if it involves a spa and being proper looked after by an amazing hotel.

14. How has your life changed since having kids?

What a strange question. Surely it would be easier to answer what has stayed the same. To which my answer would be, errr, I still like black winged eyeliner?

15. Finish this sentence: â€œIt makes my heart melt whenâ€¦â€

Oscar calls my name. His speech delay meant I didn’t hear the word mummy until he was three and half, so any time he calls me is special. Even at 6 in the morning. I might seem grumpy, but inside I’m melting!

16. Where do you shop for your kids?

When he was younger, most of his clothing would be second hand, either hand me downs, or from eBay or Facebook or NCT Nearly New Sales. However as they get older they get harder on their clothes and in the last year or so I’ve found it more difficult to find him decent second hand stuff. So now I’d say most of his clothes come from Next. Their clothes seem to last and last and because he’s skinny and tall I find their fit suits him too. They also sell on well (if he doesn’t trash them). Other than that I get him occasional pieces in the sales of brands such as Joules or Boden or if I can I love supporting small businesses I find on Instagram.

My happy boy in his Magnificent Stanley original.

17. Favourite make-up and skincare products?

My make up bag is such a hodge podge of brands, but I must admit I do love MAC (particularly for foundation and blusher). When I remember to use it (which is sporadically at the best of time) my favourite cleanser is Liz Earle’s Hot Cloth Cleanser.

18. Huggies or Pampers?

Pampers all the way. We didn’t get on with Huggies at all despite buying some in his early days. When they discontinued the nappies when he was about 1ish (I think) I wasn’t surprised. Love Huggies wipes though!

19. Have you always wanted kids?

Yes always and when I was told in my early 30s that I had PCOS and might struggle to conceive I was heart broken. As it was it took us no time at all, which I will forever be thankful for.

20. Best part of being a mum?

Being the parent of a SEN child is seriously hard work. Physically and emotionally. But it has also taught me real appreciation. When Oscar does something we didn’t think had could (or would), even if it’s something small like holding my hand when he’s asked, my heart nearly bursts with pride and love. I’m also amazed by the people you meet being a mum and the friends I’ve made since having Oscar, both online and in real life, are some of the best things about motherhood.

I would like to tag/nominate

Catie over at Diary of an Imperfect Mum

Natalie over at Diary of an Unexpectant Mother

Alice over at Three Men a Little Lady and Me

If they’d like to join in I’d love to read their answers

Our Favourite Five – May 2016

27/05/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

The summer is well and truly under way in our part of the world. And this is what the Savage family have been enjoying this month.

1 Eurovision

Of course! What else could start a list of things my family has enjoyed in May? My husband put the televised song competition in our shared diaries as soon as the date was released! This year we found out our neighbours were as bonkers about the show as we are, so invited them to come down and watch it with us. It’s so much fun sharing the madness with someone else. Although to be honest, there was a lot less crazy in Eurovision this year. Much more slick and a little bit less fun for it unfortunately (I mean Justin Timberlake, while the votes were counted? Seriously? Sigh) Anywho, we had a lovely time just hanging out, drinking wine and commenting. Much as we all agreed we like Graham Norton as host, we were also in agreement that we miss Terry Wogan getting gently sloshed and more acerbic as the evening went on. And as a fitting tribute to the man, who died earlier this year, we were sure to raise a glass of his favourite tipple at song number 9 (his personal cue to start the evening’s drinking). It was an emotional moment. And yes, tears were shed!

2 Ribs

Whenever I used to have friends over, pre Oscar, my go to choice of food was always ribs. They never failed to please, but I haven’t made them for years. So, I decided to do them for our Eurovision shindig. In the past I have always marinated the ribs overnight (a Nigella recipe) and then baked them in the oven. What a faff! This time I decided to utilise my slow cooker and boy were they a massive hit! Tender and juicy and sticky and delicious. And so much easier to make. I bought the ribs from the butcher instead of the supermarket for a start and that made such a difference. They were so much bigger and had so much more meat on them! Then I just chucked them in the slow cooker with the following ingredients. Blooming gorgeous!

Spicy BBQ Ribs

1 X 500g bottle of BBQ Sauce (I used a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray Barbecue Sauce)
50g of brown sugar
4 tbsp of cider vinegar
3 tsp of oregano
1 tbsp of Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp of cayenne pepper
1 tsp of chilli powder
1.3 lbs of pork ribs (I got a rack from our local butcher who cut them into individual ribs for me)
Salt & pepper

Combine the bbq sauce, brown sugar, cider vinegar, oregano, Worcestershire sauce, cayenne pepper, and chilli powder in a bowl.
Salt and pepper the ribs. Place ribs in slow cooker, and cover in sauce. Cook on low for eight hours or high for four hours
Devour.

I served them with coleslaw, roasted new potatoes and sweetcorn.

No, they weren’t Slimming World in any way, but saved for a special occasion, I’ll definitely be doing these beauties again. Only I may have to make double quantity next time! Yum!

3 M&S Food Hall

A month or so ago Haslemere got it’s very own M&S Food Hall. Regardless of your opinion about whether our town needed a M&S Food Hall, you can’t deny that their food is good quality and often different to what’s on offer in the ubiquitous chain supermarkets (one of which is just over the road if you’re that bothered by it). I’ve found myself popping in throughout May. I bought some of the nicest and biggest (they were a ‘King’ variety) Strawberries I’ve ever had, to take to a friends house, a beautiful bouquet to say a big thank you to a neighbour, and on days when it’s all been a bit much and I need somewhere to take five, I am happy to admit I’ve been Found wandering their aisles. I’m not saying I’d get my weekly shop there, I wouldn’t. But for occasional nice ‘bits’, it’s been a boon.

The M&S Haslemere Coffee Shop has made a nice occasional change.

4 Our deck

I’ve mentioned before that our garden is bigger than our house and as soon as the sun came out at the beginning of May, we were straight out there, tidying up the garden for the summer season. We have a long lawn, but a few years ago we also built (with the help of some very kind friends) a deck. Big enough to take a decent table and chair set, it’s becoming my favourite part of the garden. It’s definitely where I spend most of my time out there, so this month I’ve been adding a few sweet little touches. Cushions for the chairs, a parasol, a wall mounted planter and wild flowers in a jar have all made this corner of the garden a lovely little nook for eating, writing and just hanging out!

Bright, comfy cushions from Sainsbury’s.

Bluebells and rosemary, all picked from the garden.

Is this not the cutest planter you've ever seen? A perfect spot for my Thyme and Oregano — Is this not the cutest planter you’ve ever seen? A perfect spot for my Thyme and Oregano.

I wanted a cream parasol, but picked up the wrong box in Homebase. Hey ho! Oscar doesn’t care and asks me to put the ‘umberella’ up as soon as the sun comes out!

5 Driving Lessons

I wrote about learning to drive a few weeks ago (you can read about why I don’t already have a licence here). It’s been a big part of May for me, although to be honest I’m not sure I’d call it a ‘favourite’ as such. It’s hard learning a new skill any time in your life, but the older you get the harder it is (not my words, words of clever science type people in white coats) and I am finding it hard. But every week I’m noticing little things improving and my anxiety (which behind the wheel has been at a spectacular all time high) slowly fall. Slowly. I’ve done four lessons and now I have a two week break. I only hope I don’t forget everything in that time!

What have been your family favourites this month? I’d love to know!