mummy

When Summer isn’t all about making memories

05/09/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

The consensus across the sentiments I see expressed on social media, is that parents have spent a lot of energy this summer, relishing the time they have with their children, and working really hard to make it as special as they can, so that they never look back and say they wasted these young days. That when these days are over they will miss the chaos and the muddy knees and the laughing and trips to the beach. And I don’t doubt it. But while you may have adored the summer holidays, being with your children and making wonderful memories, for me eight weeks without barely a break has been too long.

And that makes me insanely jealous.

Our summer holidays started well. Oscar began happily enough. I loved not having to get up and dressed in time to walk the miles a day to take him to preschool. It was enough. But within a few weeks the iPad had taken over our lives and try as I might to set up activities at home, mostly I felt like I was whistling in the wind. I had to take him out of the house, to the park, or to the shops on errands, just in order to get him away from the screen. Cause when he falls into the vortex that is Youtube Kids, I may as well not exist.

It’s my fault of course. I gave him the damn thing in the first place. Downloaded the stupid app in an attempt to stop him googling pictures of trains, which would lead to videos of trains on real Youtube, which lead to videos that weren’t wholly (or sometime at all) appropriate. I can’t blame anyone but myself.

But unlike last year where he spent a large portion of the summer hols watching Team Umizoomi on TV, which seemed to improve his language no end, this summer, his language seems to have stalled. And in the last few weeks the echolalia is back; repeating scenes from YouTube videos over and over. He hasn’t done that for so long. At least he now brings me into his script, teaching me what to say and when. For example:

Oscar comes over to Mummy: “Mummy (say) Oscar, what you talking about?”

Mummy: What are you talking about Oscar?

Oscar: It’s a ghghghghost train drive here last night

Mummy: Where?

Oscar: Last night (something I cant quite make out) made my wheels wobble

Mummy: You are a silly engine, I’m not afraid of ghosts

Over. And Over. And Over.

A friend with older autistic children has suggested this could be his attempt to make order out of the chaos. That for him, not going regularly to preschool (his established routine) is starting to make him anxious. It could be. I thought we were doing OK, but his behaviour has started to suggest he’s not doing quite so great. No full on melt downs yet, but lots of resistance to doing anything. And an obsession with anything Thomas related. He’s always been a fan but this summer he’s taken that to another level. Again, I’m assuming it’s familiarity in an unfamiliar routine. An attempt to make sense of our world.

We have had a few nice days. We went on our Day out with Thomas, he’s been to Challengers twice (which he loved – I hear. He never tells me of course), we’ve had the paddling pool in the garden and sojourns to the swings. But there have been no day trips out out. Because I don’t drive if it’s not on a train or a bus I can’t do it. But even if it was on a train line, the thought of taking him ‘out out’ alone scares me. We have been to our local children’s centre a few times this summer, which has been mostly lovely (although it’s hardly LegoLand right?!) Anyway one day he had a good time but started to get stressed towards the end and I knew it was time to go. We went to the toilet before we left, when he started to cry and fight me. I had a banging headache that day and I ended up sat on the floor of the loos, trying to hold the tears in, just completely unsure of how I was literally going to get him home. Because everywhere we go is under my own steam and I seriously wasn’t sure I had any left.

I did get him home (he calmed down as soon as we left), but that’s how I feel this summer has left us both. With little resources left. Somewhat frayed at the edges.

I’m not sure this is the best frame of mind to start school is it? Surely it would be better to be rested and raring to go. But I’m pretty sure that’s not how he feels. At a guess I’d say stressed, bored, lonely even. Probably sick of my face. I’m hoping our short break to Moonfleet Manor next week is a good idea. He’ll have so much to do and lots of new things to play with. I doubt he’ll remember our last visit so I’m making him a visual reminder. But I am hopeful that we’ll all come back a bit more…. if not rested, then more ourselves.

Because this summer has left me like my Woody and Florence AUTISMMAMA bracelet.

Worn thin and ready to break.

On the School Bus

28/08/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

Oscar starts school in three short weeks. But whether or not I’m ready for it is not what I want to talk about today (by the way, I’m not).

I knew the school we’d chosen was the right one from the first visit. I just knew. But there was a problem. The school is three miles away and I don’t drive. This wouldn’t have been an issue had there been a decent public transport link, but there just isn’t. However, I knew this school was perfect for Oscar, so I put all thoughts of actually getting him there to the back of my mind. After all where there’s a will, there’s a way, right?

And I’m thrilled to say we found that way. Because we live more than two miles away from the school (3.1 to be exact) and because I don’t drive due to my epilepsy and because of Oscar’s Autism, the council have agreed to provide him with transport to and from school. I’m so happy about this. The logistics otherwise just don’t bare thinking about. It means the mini bus will pick him up from our house and drop him at school (and vice versa) every day. It’s such a relief.

I love that it means I can concentrate on just getting one of us ready in the morning. I mean I probably wont hand him over in my pyjamas, but if I really had to I could! I can make sure he’s as prepped for the day and as calm as possible without having to worry about getting myself ready to leave the house and struggling to getting him there. No more mile long walks along busy roads to preschool every day for me!

And I think he’s going to enjoy getting the bus with other children from his school. He’s a surprisingly sociable little guy, so I think he’s going to get a lot out of riding in the ‘Frog Bus’ (the bus has a frog on the side) with the kids. He will of course have an adult escort on the bus, but I’m hoping he’ll enjoy the social interaction that it brings and who knows, he may even make some friends!

And that got me thinking. One of the main things I felt we missed out on when Oscar was starting late and finishing early at preschool (apart from actual time at preschool) was the social interaction with the children and their parents. It was really hard for me to develop any kind of friendships through the preschool because I just didn’t see, and therefore get to know, any of the other mums. And the fact that I’m not going to be dropping off or picking up Oscar from school, kind of leaves me in the same situation. When children are older and start making their own friends I don’t suppose it matters so much. But at this young age, I remember from my own childhood, that much of the socialising they do outside of school comes as a result of the friendships their parents make at the gates. Not to mention the friendships that I could be missing out on. It’s something of a conundrum.

But hang on just a minute. Schools in the States use buses to transport their pupils as standard don’t they? Unless TV and films have lied to me, even from the earliest age our Stateside friends put their kids on a bus to school and have them dropped off in the same fashion and have been doing so for years. So what do American parents do? How do they connect with their child’s school? How do they meet each other? How do they form friendships? Do they have another way or is it something that wouldn’t occur to them to do at all? I obviously need to chat to some American moms and find out what I need to be doing. Any advice gratefully accepted!

Of course the school gates aren’t the only way to meet other parents at your child’s school. Its the easiest way sure, but what about things like PTA meetings and committees? School fetes and fundraising dos? I can do those. I can help out and make friends at the same time. And I hear Oscar’s school’s version of PTA meetings have wine!

See. I knew it was the right school for us 😉

End of an era

21/07/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

So here I am. Sat in my favourite Haslemere haunt. My plans for today much the same as the plans I’ve had most days since Oscar started preschool 19 months ago. Drink coffee, write words, catch up on social media. You know, stuff.

But today is different. In as much as it is the same, it really is different. Today is Oscar’s last day at preschool. They are having a big party in a local park tomorrow, but as far as walking him to the scout hut, dropping him off, and walking away, to any one of the local coffee hangouts, but more likely than not Dylan’s, alone, well this is the end.

I’ve cried this morning. I honestly surprised myself. I didn’t think I’d feel just so, well, sad. But I do. Wrapping the chocolates and writing the cards for his Keyworker and TA was hard. I guess that’s what happens when you leave these things to the last minute (typical me)!

Wrapped gifts

He felt it. Of course he did, he always does. He picks up emotions in the air like the smell of freshly baked bread. And it affects him. He cried and told me he was “sad”. That he was “crying from my eyes”. But he couldn’t tell me why. He doesn’t understand that he won’t be going back to his nursery again, and I don’t really know how to make him understand. I’ve all sorts of exprience of preparing him for things that are coming up, that are yet to be, but no idea how to explain the things that won’t be anymore.

The walk to preschool was harder than usual, but he ran in just as happy as ever. I feel like I should give him that. One last day when it’s all ok, all the same. Maybe I’ll regret not trying to prep him better somewhere down the line, but at the moment, for who he is now and what I know about him, this is the right way.

Myself, I thought I was prepared. I’ve been counting down the weeks, for weeks. And now here I am. And all that prep has made no difference. Because as much as it’s his last day, it’s kind of my last day too. The end of an era, the end of my routine. I will never be a preschool mum again. And while that is my choice, and a choice I still stand by, I didn’t realise it how sad it would make me feel. How lonely.

But I owe it to him to focus on the positive. So happy last day at preschool my beautiful boy. Let’s concentrate on the fun we’ll have this summer and the awesome school you’re starting in September. And mummy promises not to let you see her cry.

Much. Thank you card from Gin Bunny Prints

The Mummy Tag

07/06/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

I have been tagged by my gorgeous friend Maria over at Suburban Mum to do the Mummy Tag post. The idea behind it is to answer these questions and to find out more about the blogger behind the writing, as mums and as people!

So, without further ado, this is me:

1. Are you a Stay at Home Mum or a Working Mum?

Stay At Home. I have been since Oscar was born. It wasn’t planned that way. I fully intended to go back after my mat leave finished, but we couldn’t make it work financially. Daycare (at least where I live) is ridiculously expensive. It took me a long time to come to terms with not earning my own income.

2. Would you have it any other way?

Even though I struggled terribly with the idea of giving up work, I am glad I’ve been able to be here for his early years and I like to think it meant I was able to jump on the situation when Oscar’s development clearly wasn’t matching that of his peers. Now that he has a diagnosis of Autism, it’s been good for him that I can be around consistently and focus on getting him the best support possible.

However, to be honest, I do have days where I still miss going out to work dreadfully. People keep asking whether I’ll go back to work once he’s in school, and if he didn’t have the issues he does I may well look into it, but it seems cruel to put him through all the changes at school to only change everything at home too! So for now I plan to use that time to focus on my blog more. And whatever happens in the future will always have to fit around Oscar.

3. Do you co-sleep?

No, never. Not even when he was tiny. I was sent home from hospital absolutely petrified of falling asleep and squashing him. They really did one on me. I wish I hadn’t been so scared. But do you know, he won’t even try and get in with us now, even if I offer, so I maybe it wouldn’t have worked for him anyway. He likes his own space and he’s a good sleeper. I like to think that’s partly due to us starting good bedtime habits very early on.

4. What is your one must-have item for your baby?

My baby is four now, but as I don’t drive, something I wouldn’t have been without from day one was a decent buggy. We’ve had two buggies in our time. We started with the Mothercare My3, which we used as a pram for the early days and then mama facing for nearly a year. He grew out of that when he was about 20 months old so we switched to a OutnAbout 360. And good god I love that buggy. It doesn’t do mama facing, so I wouldn’t have wanted it when he was tiny, but I love how much sense everything about it makes. It’s so manoeuvrable and has a tiny turning circle for such a big bit of kit. And it folds down really flat! It’s also tough and up to the job of a feisty boy, which is lucky as Oscar’s Autism has meant we’ve used it a lot longer than we anticipated. He’s nearly 3 stone, but the 360 still keeps going. Yep, I wouldn’t have been without a decent buggy for all the tea in China!

The OutnAbout 360 in all its new glory. Doesn't look quite this clean now! — The OutnAbout 360 in all its new glory. Doesn’t look quite this clean now!

5. How many kids do you plan on having?

Just the one. You can read a who post about my thoughts on families who chose to have only one child here.

6. Date nights? How often do you have them?

We love a night out and so try to arrange one whenever we remember and or can book our lovely babysitter. Not having family close by means no free babysitting, but we still occasionally need to go out of the house together without the boy so make the effort to book and pay someone. We don’t have a regular date night though – I think that would kind of take the fun out of it!

7. Your childâ€™s favourite show?

Honestly, it changes every week, sometimes every day! He will always have a soft spot for Thomas the Tank though.

8. Name one thing you bought before you had the baby and never ended up using?

A very expensive Organic Merino Wool swaddle and hat. It was beautiful, but Oscar refused to be swaddled from day two. It was such a shame. We managed to get one picture of him in it and that was it. I sold it in the end!

9. Your childâ€™s favourite food?

Other than chocolate? At the moment Pancakes or Jacket Potato.

10. How many cars does your family have?

One. I don’t drive, although I am currently learning. Once I pass my test (whenever that may be), we’ll definitely have to get an additional vehicle!

11. Weight gain, before pregnancy, during, after and now?

I was seriously overweight before my pregnancy, I always have been. During my pregnancy I actually lost a stone and half in the first two trimesters as my tastes changed completely. However, in his first year, I found it so hard to concentrate on anything and lived on toast. ALLLLL the toast. And cake. And gained huge amounts of weight. I joined Slimming World when he was 1 and originally managed to lose 6.5 stone. After his Autism diagnosis I struggled to stay on plan and gained some of the weight back, but I’m back trying again now. Weight is complex issue for me, but I’ve blogged about that a lot and that’s been incredibly helpful.

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12. Dream holiday with your kids?

My husband and I used to love going to the Greek islands, particularly the quieter islands, before we had Oscar. It was always our plan to take our child over there once we had one, but so far we’ve not been brave enough to fly with him. But I would dearly love to one day.

13. Dream holiday without your kids?

Ben and I had our honeymoon in the Maldives and it was the best holiday of my life. I’d love to go back. But to be honest I would be happy anywhere I could have a break from being a mum for a few days. Especially if it involves a spa and being proper looked after by an amazing hotel.

14. How has your life changed since having kids?

What a strange question. Surely it would be easier to answer what has stayed the same. To which my answer would be, errr, I still like black winged eyeliner?

15. Finish this sentence: â€œIt makes my heart melt whenâ€¦â€

Oscar calls my name. His speech delay meant I didn’t hear the word mummy until he was three and half, so any time he calls me is special. Even at 6 in the morning. I might seem grumpy, but inside I’m melting!

16. Where do you shop for your kids?

When he was younger, most of his clothing would be second hand, either hand me downs, or from eBay or Facebook or NCT Nearly New Sales. However as they get older they get harder on their clothes and in the last year or so I’ve found it more difficult to find him decent second hand stuff. So now I’d say most of his clothes come from Next. Their clothes seem to last and last and because he’s skinny and tall I find their fit suits him too. They also sell on well (if he doesn’t trash them). Other than that I get him occasional pieces in the sales of brands such as Joules or Boden or if I can I love supporting small businesses I find on Instagram.

My happy boy in his Magnificent Stanley original.

17. Favourite make-up and skincare products?

My make up bag is such a hodge podge of brands, but I must admit I do love MAC (particularly for foundation and blusher). When I remember to use it (which is sporadically at the best of time) my favourite cleanser is Liz Earle’s Hot Cloth Cleanser.

18. Huggies or Pampers?

Pampers all the way. We didn’t get on with Huggies at all despite buying some in his early days. When they discontinued the nappies when he was about 1ish (I think) I wasn’t surprised. Love Huggies wipes though!

19. Have you always wanted kids?

Yes always and when I was told in my early 30s that I had PCOS and might struggle to conceive I was heart broken. As it was it took us no time at all, which I will forever be thankful for.

20. Best part of being a mum?

Being the parent of a SEN child is seriously hard work. Physically and emotionally. But it has also taught me real appreciation. When Oscar does something we didn’t think had could (or would), even if it’s something small like holding my hand when he’s asked, my heart nearly bursts with pride and love. I’m also amazed by the people you meet being a mum and the friends I’ve made since having Oscar, both online and in real life, are some of the best things about motherhood.

I would like to tag/nominate

Catie over at Diary of an Imperfect Mum

Natalie over at Diary of an Unexpectant Mother

Alice over at Three Men a Little Lady and Me

If they’d like to join in I’d love to read their answers

Our Favourite Five – May 2016

27/05/2016 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

The summer is well and truly under way in our part of the world. And this is what the Savage family have been enjoying this month.

1 Eurovision

Of course! What else could start a list of things my family has enjoyed in May? My husband put the televised song competition in our shared diaries as soon as the date was released! This year we found out our neighbours were as bonkers about the show as we are, so invited them to come down and watch it with us. It’s so much fun sharing the madness with someone else. Although to be honest, there was a lot less crazy in Eurovision this year. Much more slick and a little bit less fun for it unfortunately (I mean Justin Timberlake, while the votes were counted? Seriously? Sigh) Anywho, we had a lovely time just hanging out, drinking wine and commenting. Much as we all agreed we like Graham Norton as host, we were also in agreement that we miss Terry Wogan getting gently sloshed and more acerbic as the evening went on. And as a fitting tribute to the man, who died earlier this year, we were sure to raise a glass of his favourite tipple at song number 9 (his personal cue to start the evening’s drinking). It was an emotional moment. And yes, tears were shed!

2 Ribs

Whenever I used to have friends over, pre Oscar, my go to choice of food was always ribs. They never failed to please, but I haven’t made them for years. So, I decided to do them for our Eurovision shindig. In the past I have always marinated the ribs overnight (a Nigella recipe) and then baked them in the oven. What a faff! This time I decided to utilise my slow cooker and boy were they a massive hit! Tender and juicy and sticky and delicious. And so much easier to make. I bought the ribs from the butcher instead of the supermarket for a start and that made such a difference. They were so much bigger and had so much more meat on them! Then I just chucked them in the slow cooker with the following ingredients. Blooming gorgeous!

Spicy BBQ Ribs

1 X 500g bottle of BBQ Sauce (I used a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray Barbecue Sauce)
50g of brown sugar
4 tbsp of cider vinegar
3 tsp of oregano
1 tbsp of Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp of cayenne pepper
1 tsp of chilli powder
1.3 lbs of pork ribs (I got a rack from our local butcher who cut them into individual ribs for me)
Salt & pepper

Combine the bbq sauce, brown sugar, cider vinegar, oregano, Worcestershire sauce, cayenne pepper, and chilli powder in a bowl.
Salt and pepper the ribs. Place ribs in slow cooker, and cover in sauce. Cook on low for eight hours or high for four hours
Devour.

I served them with coleslaw, roasted new potatoes and sweetcorn.

No, they weren’t Slimming World in any way, but saved for a special occasion, I’ll definitely be doing these beauties again. Only I may have to make double quantity next time! Yum!

3 M&S Food Hall

A month or so ago Haslemere got it’s very own M&S Food Hall. Regardless of your opinion about whether our town needed a M&S Food Hall, you can’t deny that their food is good quality and often different to what’s on offer in the ubiquitous chain supermarkets (one of which is just over the road if you’re that bothered by it). I’ve found myself popping in throughout May. I bought some of the nicest and biggest (they were a ‘King’ variety) Strawberries I’ve ever had, to take to a friends house, a beautiful bouquet to say a big thank you to a neighbour, and on days when it’s all been a bit much and I need somewhere to take five, I am happy to admit I’ve been Found wandering their aisles. I’m not saying I’d get my weekly shop there, I wouldn’t. But for occasional nice ‘bits’, it’s been a boon.

The M&S Haslemere Coffee Shop has made a nice occasional change.

4 Our deck

I’ve mentioned before that our garden is bigger than our house and as soon as the sun came out at the beginning of May, we were straight out there, tidying up the garden for the summer season. We have a long lawn, but a few years ago we also built (with the help of some very kind friends) a deck. Big enough to take a decent table and chair set, it’s becoming my favourite part of the garden. It’s definitely where I spend most of my time out there, so this month I’ve been adding a few sweet little touches. Cushions for the chairs, a parasol, a wall mounted planter and wild flowers in a jar have all made this corner of the garden a lovely little nook for eating, writing and just hanging out!

Bright, comfy cushions from Sainsbury’s.

Bluebells and rosemary, all picked from the garden.

Is this not the cutest planter you've ever seen? A perfect spot for my Thyme and Oregano — Is this not the cutest planter you’ve ever seen? A perfect spot for my Thyme and Oregano.

I wanted a cream parasol, but picked up the wrong box in Homebase. Hey ho! Oscar doesn’t care and asks me to put the ‘umberella’ up as soon as the sun comes out!

5 Driving Lessons

I wrote about learning to drive a few weeks ago (you can read about why I don’t already have a licence here). It’s been a big part of May for me, although to be honest I’m not sure I’d call it a ‘favourite’ as such. It’s hard learning a new skill any time in your life, but the older you get the harder it is (not my words, words of clever science type people in white coats) and I am finding it hard. But every week I’m noticing little things improving and my anxiety (which behind the wheel has been at a spectacular all time high) slowly fall. Slowly. I’ve done four lessons and now I have a two week break. I only hope I don’t forget everything in that time!

What have been your family favourites this month? I’d love to know!