Afternoon (or morning depending on where you’re reading this. Come to think of it I probably shouldn’t start these with time specific greeting at all should I!)
How’s your week been? Mine’s been a bit stressful, in a way only the parent of a toddler can understand i.e. not truly stressful in the grand scheme of things, but important enough to me to make things physically draining. And I know, at least once, this had lead me to ‘comfort’ eating. But do you know what I’ve realised? It’s not really comforting I’m doing. Let me explain.
Oscars had a pretty difficult week. He’s moving on in his development and suddenly everything’s a drama (blah blah I’m sure you’re sick of hearing about that!) Anyway, a while ago I had to take a step back at dinner time. I would cook, he would not eat, I would feel kicked in the guts and get cross/upset/out of control. It wasn’t good for either of us, but I had the presence of mind to realise (eventually) that food was pushing my buttons, not Oscar. So I had to take a more objective approach. I now give him what I give him and leave him too it. If he doesn’t eat it then that’s absolutely fine. But he wont get anything else. It works for us and has made dinner a much calmer time. Until one night last week. I made his tea of pan fried haddock, mashed potato and peas. All foods he’ll eat. He wolfed down the fish, but refused to touch the potato or peas. And I don’t know what happened, but I lost my temper, shouted, threw the plate in the sink. You know the kind of thing? Anyway once we’d both calmed down a bit I felt so guilty for losing my cool (after all he did eat the fish), I did something I rarely do which was to give him something else to eat – pitta and cheese spread. And before I knew where I was making my self one with butter and jam. My head was screaming that I must have it. I didn’t have the syns for it, but I ate it anyway. It was only afterwards that I realised I didn’t feel comforted, but in a weird way felt calmer. Oscar also ran into a table on Sunday, cutting his face and giving himself a black eye. Poor little guy. On the way home I felt so bad (I was nowhere near him so how could I prevent it?) that I wanted chocolate (I didn’t have any). And I wonder if this is a real thing? The best way I can abate guilt is to punish myself (by sabotaging my journey). I don’t expect an answer, but it’s interesting to turn things on their head and look at them from a different perspective now and then. It’s certainly given me lots to think about.
So anyway a stressy week has lead to some lack of honesty when it’s come to my syns, I know it has. But again, only a lack of honesty with myself. I wasn’t surprised when I weighed in last night and found I’d gained 0.5lb. Disappointed but not surprised. So total lost is now exactly 5 stone (70lb).
Anyway I’m chalking last week up to a learning experience and moving forward.
Despite this weeks small gain I did have lots of lovely comments from friends regarding how I’m looking. It’s not always noticeable week on week but occasionally it’ll all sort of catch up with itself and people will notice the difference. It’s wonderful when they do so thank you to anyone who’s mentioned it over the past week – it really does make a difference. I have also purchased a couple of t-shirts in a size I haven’t worn since I was 18. Two gorgeous spring coloured tees in a 16. Only problem is, its been too cold to wear them since I got them! Typical!
Also I wanted to share these. They are pictures I wasn’t planning on sharing, I took them more for personal documentation, particularly as I didn’t take any measurements at the start. They’re not terribly flattering (and as always my bedroom is a mess!) but the difference is slightly astounding to me.
The first one was taken on 7th October (so already three months in!), the second was taken on 14th January and the third last week.
And here’s the first and the most recent side together. It’s my legs I can’t get over. Oh and my shoulders weirdly.
I can’t wait to take another one around June!
So this coming week. I really want to lose what I have gained and despite now having a babysitter, meaning we can go out for a friends birthday on Saturday (yey – thank you Jane!) that’s what intend to do. That and another lb. So 1.5lb off for next week please. Thanks!
Have a great week