Sharing

My one year Bloggiversary

09/07/2014 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

OK so I’ve just noticed something and I had to share.

I’ve been blogging for a year.

Well over a year actually. I wrote my first ‘proper’ post on 7th July 2013. I remember writing it like it was yesterday, on my phone, sat in the Friary Centre Costa Coffee in Guildford. It was about Primark. Random I know. Do I share it again? I didn’t actually share it the first time round. It’s not really that interesting. But hey, I guess it’s kind of important because it’s where I started. In that case here it is:

I’m having an afternoon off from mummy duties and spending a bit of alone time in Guildford. I needed to get Oscar some more short pyjamas (as the ones our friend Becky bought him for his birthday are proving such a hit). So my first instinct was to go to M&S. They have always been a staple of O’s wardrobe, providing good quality basics at reasonable prices. So anyway I went straight there and got exactly what I wanted. Short pyjamas, three pairs, for £12.

However, as all my maternity/holiday/savings finally ran out this month I’m on something of a budget drive. It’s not that I wasted money before but one of the things I always worked hard for in my life was the ability not have to budget. But needs must and anyway I think “hmmm I wonder if Primarni has anything cheaper?”

I don’t often go to Primark. Not because I have anything against it per se, just as a plus size I’ve never found anything to fit me in there. I have also found the children’s section, particularly for young boys, to be woefully small, especially in the Guildford branch. But as I’m trying to careful with my pennies (well not my pennies but that’s another post) I thought I’d check it out.

It was a mistake and a complete waste of time. Not because, as I suspected, they had nothing I wanted. They did have some really nice little boy clothes. No the problem with Primark was the people in Primark. I’m not talking about the staff, who seemed present and helpful. No I mean the customers.

I know that makes me sound like the worse kind of snob and to some extent it is the people themselves. The kind who will leave their babies screaming in the buggy whilst they rummage for a bargain. It upsets me but who am I to judge?

No, I think its the environment that brings out the worst in people. The low prices somehow send out a signal that this store isn’t really worth caring about thus clothes and shoes and accessories are thrown about with complete disregard rather like a jumble sale. I even found myself taking less care than I ever would in M&S for example. It was then I realised I needed to leave, empty handed.

If you do want to, I think Primark is one to do first thing in the morning and midweek. Other than that I think I’m going to stick to M&S and shop the sales.

Blimey! Don’t I sound posh! I like this post. It helps me see how much I’ve developed my own style – one much less formal than I began with!

I had no vision of where this blog would go back then. I still don’t to be honest. All I know is it’s opened me up to so much more in life than I could ever have imagined. I always secretly harboured a desire to write. Not a novel, I don’t have the patience, but something. I kept extensive journals as a teenager and I’m so glad I did. I love reading them back now. They show me how far I’ve come, but also remind me of the time with such clarity I can practically smell the 50p shots of whiskey and taste the kisses of teenage boys. It’s powerful stuff. Maybe I’ll feel the same about these posts when I’m older, or more to the point when Oscar is older. I’ll look back and wonder what on earth I was worrying about all those years ago.

I think blogging has also helped me to find a voice. To look at my life, really look at it, and decide who it is I actually am, or want to be. I’ve been much more honest in writing than I ever would have been in person. But being honest with myself has made me much happier and positive in real life too. Someone came up to me a toddler group to ask me about this blog a few weeks ago and then proceeded to tell me why she wouldn’t want people knowing stuff about her. I could only say that whilst it’s not for everyone, being so honest with the world (and consequently yourself) is bloody liberating. I’m not sure she understood and to be fair I don’t think I would have had I not pushed myself to do this!

My last post was actually written on my bloggiversary (is that a word? It is now!). It was also my 100th post. 100 posts in a year? I’m pretty proud of that. Proud of the volume of writing and proud of the fact I kept at it. Yay me! However, I think I mentioned my lack of patience before 😉 and I’m certain that I wouldn’t have kept going had it not been for the awesome feedback I get from the people that read my words, you, every time I write. It baffles me and yet at the same time makes my heart happy. So yay you too!

So here’s to us. To a year of writing. And to many more years to come.

Not such a Fat face anymore…

10/05/2014 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

Remember back at the beginning of the year, I wrote a post about trying on clothes in Fat Face? If you don’t you can read it here. I said one of my goals this year was to conquer Fat Face, as I really like their clothes but have never been able to fit into them. Well, I just have. In the sale. Even better!

To some it might not seem that important, but to me, well I can’t tell you how exciting a feeling it was to walk into a ‘fashion brand’ like Fat Face and find several things I liked and that fitted me. A year ago, it’s something I’d resigned myself to NEVER happening. I’d given up on the whole idea. I’m so happy I found my way back.

So yeah I bought a gorgeous top, which I’d looked at when it wasn’t in the sale and couldn’t justify the cost. Here it was, with £13 off, just begging me to take it home. I couldn’t very well refuse 😉 . It’s off white, with a coral bird print, 3/4 sleeves and unusual button detailing down the back. I love it.

That in itself would have been enough. But then. Well then I saw the dress. You know. The one I tried on on NYE and didn’t buy as it was too tight on the bum. Yeah that one. Back in the sale and fitting me perfectly. I could have cried. But I didn’t, I just couldn’t stop grinning. And grinning and grinning and grinning. Of course that had to come too.

photo 3 (2) — Excuse the messy hair and the poor lighting

Don't know why I love this one - I just do. — Don’t know why I love this one – I just do.

I think I’m going to use this dress as my new weighing in outfit, as the dress I wear most weeks is getting ridiculous – so baggy it’s becoming obscene! But it’ll also remind me every week how far I’ve come and everything I’ve achieved, regardless of how that particular week goes.

Thanks for reading. Just had to share.

xxxx

Play nicely children!

25/03/2014 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

My deep desire to get out of the house when Oscar was tiny, resulted in a child that has socialised a lot since he was tiny. Not as much as a child in a massive family maybe, but he’s never been isolated. We’ve been going to groups regularly since he was 7 weeks old and having people over for the longest time. “Sharing” anything (toys, space, me) has never been an issue. In fact until very recently, Oscar seemed quite content to basically ignore the other children and play quite happily on his own (he can be a very focussed “player” when he wants to be). There have been exceptions to this rule. For example,watching him and Isabelle tickling and laughing at each other, is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen but on the whole that just the way it’s been. But as any parent of a toddler will understand, this is all changing. He is much more aware (as it should be) of other children and the things they’re doing. And he made me wholly aware of the effect of these changes all of last week.

Quite suddenly everything was stressful. I’m not even sure it’s a “it’s mine” thing, but I’m guessing it is. I was expecting it at some point and in my experience I was expecting him to start snatching things back or pushing and pulling. And maybe he’ll start doing that, but at the moment he seem to get infinitely more angry with himself than others. It’s horrible to see. Other children only have to touch things that are near him and he starts throwing himself to the ground crying in a dramatic fashion (who could he have got that from 😉 ) But he does other stuff too like head-butting the floor or the fence! It’s like he’s a shaken up bottle of coke that doesn’t know how to let the pressure out. I know it’s frustration through a lack of understanding, but god it breaks my heart 🙁 . I’ve tried being patient and keeping calm and explaining that it’s OK to feel cross, that the toys aren’t going anywhere/aren’t his/etc. I have no idea if he understands me. It doesn’t seem to make things a whole lot better at the time and I can only keep it up for so long! I’ve also tried the firm, “that’s enough”, approach, but that doesn’t work either. It was pretty bad on Thursday. He threw himself on the ground so many times at toddler group, people started thinking he was falling over or off things. He spent nearly the entire time upset, so in the end we left early. And as soon as we were out of the door he was fine.

One thing I am loathe to say is “you must share” because a) he has no idea what that means b) I’m not convinced it would the help the situation at the time and c) if I was him I would want to know why? and I don’t really have a better answer than “because it’s polite”. So how do I best explain the concept of sharing? As a friend asked the other day – how old are they before they understand? I’m guessing it’s not yet? In conversation with a Montessori nursery manager recently we discussed how all preschoolers, dislike “sharing” even if they understand the language surrounding the concept. She told me that if the children really want to play with the same thing they encourage them to play with the item together. And I like that idea. It doesn’t feel like you’re asking the child to give anything up, but does encourage the idea of collaboration.

But that doesn’t stop my not yet two year old banging his head on the furniture and scaring the other mothers and breaking my heart.

I know it’s his age. I do know that. And I know he’s going through a proper developmental change at the moment. He’s sending me very clear signals that things are a changing for real. None of this worrying about seeing toddlerhood coming on the horizon. It’s smack bang here! He’s waking up much earlier again and over the past week he’s learnt how to get out of his grobags – sort of! This week he has broken the zip on one and learnt how to get his arm through the neck hole of another! This morning he woke me at 6am to find him with both arms stuck through one arm hole. He’s like a not very good Houdini! So we’re going to have to ditch the grobags, in favour of a duvet. It’s not that big a deal. Really, it’s not. It’s just he’s been in a grobag since he was 8 weeks old and looking at toddler bedding on Sunday made me cry.

If I wanted a true signal that things have changed then I guess this is was it.

Slimming World Update – Week 32

28/02/2014 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

Hola Señores y Señoritas ( see two years of Spanish wasn’t totally wasted!)

How have your weeks been?

Mines been OK, although I have been fighting off a gross cold, which seems to want to sit in my throat and on my chest at the moment. Which is fine, although it does make me sound a bit Darth Vaderish. I’ve also been having some more stomach issues (the doc thinks I might have an ulcer – as the pain comes and goes and I’m waiting for the result of some tests) this past week. When I’m ill, I find my focus isn’t always as good as it might be and I found myself longing for real sugar this past week. Not just sweet, but real sugar. Maybe I was lacking in energy – what with all this fighting I’m doing? Whatever, I had some and chose to make a couple of days this week “Flexible Syn” days.

I’ve heard about Flexible Syns before, but never really understood what it meant until recently. Its those days when it’s going to be extremely difficult or you just damn well don’t want to stick to 15 syns (a special occasion, illness, those one off times when you just want more). It would be easy to go over and then feel bad/guilty, but the idea of a flexible syn day is that you choose a new upper limit and stick to that instead. Rather than feeling bad it allows you some flexibility (as the name suggests) and means you don’t spend the rest of the week “making up” for it or dreading weigh in so much that you don’t go.

I’ve never tried it before (consciously anyway) but knowing I was doing something about feeling so conflicted, put me back in control and the relief I felt from that was palpable! It’s not the solution for every day, but knowing that here and there I have a better strategy than just “giving in and feeling guilty” was awesome. If you’re a member and want to know more about Flexible Syns, there are some great articles on the website, once you log in.

Any who I guess it must have worked for me, as I was thrilled to find out I’d lost 2.5lb at last nights weigh in. That takes me to a total of 4 Stone 12lb (68lb) and as I realised mid way through last nights weigh in means I’ve lost half a stone (7lb) in two weeks, hence a lovely Slimmer of the Week award last night too!!!. As you may recall, my next interim goal (that I set myself) was 5 stone loss. I had in my mind to reach that by 1st April (Oscar will be 2 on the 2nd). I think I’m well on my way to smashing that target 😉 However I don’t want to rush it – it’s a journey not a race after all, so I think I’d like to lose that over the next two weeks. I am choosing to be cautious here particularly as next week I’ll be back in Liphook, meaning I will only have five days between weigh ins (as opposed to the more usual seven).

So yeah, I’m really close to having lost 5 stone and last night I went down into the next stone bracket (I get so excited when the big number at the front of my weight goes down too!) But when I put my loss into my online tracker last night I also realised my BMI (which I don’t really set that much store by, but the medical profession seem to want to) had gone down by 10 points since I started SW! Like I say I don’t pay that much attention to my BMI, but to have reduced it by a nice round figure like 10 felt so good, I just had to share!

Much as I just had to share this. I have two comparison photos here. The first I have shared before. It’s May 2013 to Oct 2013. I remember being so proud of it

Left taken in May 2013, Right taken in Oct 2013. Getting there.

And while I am still immensely proud of it. I have an update for you. This is the same Oct 2013 picture alongside a Feb 2014 picture.

Oct 2013 to Feb 2014 - just keep going — Oct 2013 to Feb 2014 – just keep going

Like I said; a journey.

Have a great week people

Xxx

Inspiration

04/11/2013 by MrsSavageAngel Leave a Comment

The other day I was writing and listening to music. Music for me has always been a particularly emotional medium. I have songs that will always fill my heart with happiness and others I simply cannot listen to for the pain they cause me. Anyway I was listening to music that makes me think of a very specific time in my life, one when I felt particularly inspired. I started thinking about why I’d felt so inspired at that time, which in turn made me ask the question; what is inspiration? What is it that inspires you, me, anybody? I’m sure Inspiration is a concept I am seeing bandied about more and more recently. Its not something I remember hearing about so much five years ago.

Its nothing new, people have been

“mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative”

for as long as there have been people. But is it just me or has the amount people refer to it increased?

I personally love (and sometimes hate – but mostly love) social media. It’s part of my life now – a big part and one I wouldn’t be without. It enables me to keep in contact with friends and family around the world, make new friends, research, ask for help, organise. On the whole social media rocks. But one thing about social media that’s starting to grind my gears is this:

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for encouraging others, whilst working on your own motivation, but I am starting to tire somewhat of random pictures overlaid with cliched words.

I don’t find them inspirational. I might have done when it was just one or two, now and then, but I now see these things constantly. They’re all over the news feeds of the various platforms I use, in my twitter feed. Thank God people have stopped sending them to me in emails!

Bloody hell I sound miserable! I’m not, believe me. I am more positive at the moment than at most other times in my life. I have been inspired and continue to be inspired. But cheesy words on an even cheesier picture are not the cause. People inspire me. Their acts, and deeds, and attitude and creativity inspire me. When I lived in Swansea I had the most creative friend I’ve ever known. Hanging out with him inspired me to also be creative. Does anyone remember receiving a Christmas gift from me in 2010? I printed my own wrapping paper and designed my own gift tags for god sake! I mean come on people. I’ve never done that before or since! He didn’t do that and he didn’t suggest I did. He just inspired me.

Being a mother inspires me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had times when I’m so tired and drained that I don’t even know my own name. But other times I’ve felt so inspired by what I see in Oscar and his achievements that I’ve been known to spend an entire afternoon, alone with my son, singing songs with actions just to see him put his left arm in or turn around. Other mothers inspire me too. Mothers I know personally or mothers whose blogs I read. I think it can be easy to compare yourself to others and question whether what you’re doing is as good or the right thing etc. But when I can get past that ( 😉 ) I have been totally inspired by these women. By their courage, their drive, their ability to cope, their creativity, their willingness to share with me! Sometimes they inspire me to want to be like them, but often they just inspire me to do things differently.

So OK I’ll admit I have occasionally been touched by these “quotes”. When I was going through a very sad time in my life, a friend said to me “Lisa, it’ll be OK in the end and if its not OK, its not the end”. At the time it blew my mind and really helped the situation. And yes recently I saw the same soundbite on a cheesy picture, popping up in my news feed. But the impact it had on me when someone took me aside and and said it to me was completely different to the impact it had on me when I casually glanced at it in my news feed.

I think that’s the difference for me. People inspire me every day, but I think these quotes are just a poor substitute for human contact. For someone learning from another. For someone putting an arm around you and telling you its going to be OK. Even if that’s a virtual arm on a social platform. Just sharing a cheesy motivational quote with everyone on your friend list doesn’t feel inspirational – it’s becoming white noise.

Maybe that’s my problem with them. I don’t want to lose the personal touch. And I hope I’ve inspired you not to want to either.